Then and Now

*Whew*

I didn't realize it'd been so long since my last blog...November 2006, where has my mind been? Hmm...let's see:

November 2006, I was in the Middle East--an interesting place--I can't go too far in depth about what went on over there, I'll just say the media has a way of putting a twist on things. If one takes a step back and observe the big picture, it will have your mind racing. Somethings I just don't understand.

December happened--my birthday, the holidays, and the "New Year". All the same given my location in the world at that time.

January 2007--gotta admit, I felt different. This is the year that my life will change, I am separating from the military, moving the Philadelphia, going to school, and transitioning to a "Real Job". The road that was once a place in time is now a reality...initially, it was a scary feeling. I thought to myself, "I am getting out of the military, I need to find a job, a place to stay--What Am I Going To Do?" First things first, create a plan and stick to it. Funny how if you just do it...things start to happen.

February 2007--Feeling kinda froggy. This was interesting month, a lot happened in a short period of time. I returned back to the states from the Middle East, visited my family down in Florida, returned to VA. As soon as my feet hit the ground, the video production jobs came rolling in--sigh, what a lovely feeling. My film partner and I headed to Philly to visit and also to look at my house and check out Temple. Things were coasting along with ease.

March 2007--Return to VA, return to work. Same thing, different day. I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. My job allows me to do things such as "Work from work". I am grateful for that, however sometimes this job can be a bit...just a bit annoying. Technically, I have no room to complain, I get a lot of stuff done given my schedule...so, in short, guess I'll leave this situation alone.

April 2007--Time grows near. Now working on my resume, the "Real World" is becoming more of a reality. My plan is to make a smooth transition from the military to civilian life style. Although I know it will happen, the beforehand or the unknown is the part that leaves one with a little uncertainty. Failure isn't an option.

Create Your Own Destiny...

Whew...less than a year remaining and I will be "On My Own". I think about it often...I also think a lot about my dreams and passions that must be fulfilled. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such and awesome, supporting, and inspirational group of people. God really looked and is looking out for me. I am getting ready to make the biggest decision in my life and I have to admit, its a little shaky. I am excited and nervous at the same time...is that strange?
I dream of myself and my two film partners at our movie premiers, I dream about the impact that our films will have on the world and on people way of thinking. I dream of us on the Oprah show...mind you this in the very near future. I dream of US, females...making a change, three powerful film making women...that is who we are. Excited and nervous at the same time...that is me, right now.
I have been talking about this for 11 years non-stop, now it is finally time for me to step out of this cocoon. I feel as if I've been sheltered from the harsh realities of the world, now I will step out onto the world, armour donned, equipment ready, mind set...on your mark, get set, GO!
Just thinking...can't really talk anymore...gotta find a job.

Just Talking about Stuff...

**First and foremost, if anyone from my "Real Life" circle of friends is reading this just know that I miss yall dearly...really I do.**
So there is this song in my head right now by Talib Kweli featuring Bilal..."Waiting for the DJ to...let your body rock...ohh...so I can show you..." yall know the rest. I've been looking over my past blogs and lately I've been in a super fresh mood. I dig that. I think its partly because of all of this "Me" time that I have while I am away from VA. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we get so ahead of our self that we don't realize how much we need to slow down. "Well God, I'm listening to ya." My sistah friend told me this months ago when I had events going on and planning for video shoots, she said "Don't get so busy that you forget to appreciate yourself and your friends." I acknowledged what she said yet I still was on over drive. I now realize that I need to physically apply that to life instead of just writing it on a list of "Things to Do." Life is good, the weather is good, I am good...yeah.
Okay...another story: So I went to the store the other day *flashback* A few weeks ago, this guy...lets just call him "Guy", invited my cousin and I over for Thanksgiving Dinner. He said that a friend of his had a place in town and the whole crew was going to be over there cooking and so on and so forth. So *flash forward to the beginning of this story* I went to the store to get some stuff to do my nails, gotta take care of your self. I saw him in the aisle that I was in, he looked at the items I had in my hand and said"
GUY: What are you doing over here?
ME: Getting some stuff to go do my manicure.
GUY: Why don't you just go to get your nails done at the salon?
ME: Why pay for something that I can do myself?
GUY: O!...Lemme guess, you're one of those "I don't need no man to do nothing for me" type females huh?
ME: I never said "I don't need a man for anything"..what I said was "Why do I need to pay for something that I can do myself?"
GUY: Well, because its cheap.
**Right here is when my feathers got a little ruffled because why is it that WE always feel the need to resort to outside sources for things that we can do our self?**
ME: *sigh* Listen I am going to do my nails myself because I can.
GUY: Whats that on your arm? (Looking at my tattoo) Is that a scorpion or something?
ME: No...its a Sankofa Bird...
GUY: Sankofa, what does that mean?
ME: In short: Understanding your past in order to move forward.
GUY: Oh Lawd...you one of those...
ME: (I cut him off)...Go ahead, get it out of your system, a lot of people do...one of those "pro-black, poetry reading, finger snapping, blah-blah-blah..." I get so tired of hearing that.
GUY: (He trips over his words before making another ignorant statement)...I knew this one lady, I used to work with this lady that had these messages on her computer, those "I can do anything" type messages, do you read those? What are they called?
ME: Affirmations? (Your idiot)
GUY: Yeah...ha ha...you read those, you believe in those?
ME: (By now, I want to roundhouse kick this GUY in the face) Yes, I do...(I really did not feel like entertaining him anymore. It was apparent that my conversation was fading.)
GUY: Well, let me stop talking...I can see you're getting bothered. Plus, you cooking on Thanksgiving...
ME: Well...I'm having 2nd thoughts about that now (I grab the fingernail file and walk away)
What-A-Day...

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You

THIS IS MY NEWEST PIECE, I'M WRITING AGAIN. A GREAT WRITER WRITES ABOUT WHAT THEY KNOW.

**THIS IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY, THAT OF WHICH IS MY LIFE. PEACE**

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You

Days later I can still feel him inside of me
Indecisive thoughts clouding me
"I could be his strumpet if I wanted to."
Percolate on demand from the touch of his hands
Neck, shoulders-waist and ass...
Devise the process it takes for us to undress
This-is iniquitous but I can't resist
I want to feel him
I want to feel him again
I want to feel him again and again and again
Until I can feel no more
"Yeah, I could be his whore if I wanted to.
But respect would be lost where respect is due."

What happened to benevolence?
That-was my initial expectation.
His embrace left my heart palpitating
And my vagina-pulsating, vibrating
Chakras aligned from root up through my spine.
I could no longer see straight
Utopian mind state
"How did I get here?"
Love of self turned into displays of passion for
Someone else
"I want him to feel me feeling him."
My kegel muscles tighten around his manhood
"Damn this dick is good!"
I can feel his heart beat-inside of me
It's-right-there

Reality sets in
He doesn't care
There I sit, staring into space
I feel void
Not used to this
2006 casual sex shit
Temporary passionate filled thrills
Leaves me still...he leaves me still, alone

Days later I expect reciprocation of these feelings he knew nothing about
Comfort, I'll go without
He talks about his girlfriend
Shortly she is forgotten with a request for our last rendezvous
I can't lie, I really want to...so I do.
The demure of Karma
My actions were amiss.
Perplexity of him and I-is no mystery.
He just wanted to fuck.

He got his, I never got mine.
I can't do this anymore.
I love myself too much just to be used for copulation.
If propositioned again I pray not to show hesitation.

I'm quite sure someone else will supplant me shortly.
I care too much not to care.
And still, I fancy his company.
Nobody's perfect
This untimely predicament isn't worth ending a friendship.

When shit just doesn't make sense,
It just is, what it is.

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You.

Written by: Veronica Hinds /October 2006/

Act Your Color?

Today was a good day. Lately, I've had plenty of good days, nothing seems to bother and I'm cool with that. I wake up, I have no worries, bills are paid, I am getting fit, I love myself and the life that I am blessed to be living.
I was supposed to go see a movie today but my home girl and I decided against that because the movie that was showing was pretty wack...so we decided to go another day. It's 5pm, dinner has started, think I'll go eat. Upon exiting my living quarter, I see a familiar face...a guy that I've seen around for the past few weeks, we often speak in passing. He offers to give me a ride to the dining facility, I oblidge.
Dinner happens, we hold generic conversation...you know, what do you do, where are you from, how many people have tired to talk to you, what does you tattoo mean, etc. All the questions and topics to try to figure out an angle to approach a female. Dinner is over, we exit the dining facility, then it happens.
HIM: You know, some folks might say you're a little weird before they get to know you...
ME: What do you mean???????.....
HIM: Well, you got the "Black girl" look, the "Black girl" body but, you don't sound or act like a "Black girl"...
ME: WHAT! What the eff do you mean? How can someone sound "Black" or act "Black"? **In my mind, I'm thinking that we'd gotten past this state of mind**
HIM: Well, I'm from Detriot and you just don't sound like...a "Black girl", I mean, you're from New Orleans, you don't have an accent, nothing...
ME: Well, I've been in the Navy for 7 1/2 years, I've travelled...what do you mean I don't sound or act "Black", I am going to have to write about that.... **By now, I am really in shock, the only thing I could do is repeat his dumb ass question**
HIM: See that's what I'm saying...you're going to "write about it?"
ME: So Black people don't write about what they go through on a daily basis? What? **I laugh from the ignorance**
We get in the truck and ride back to the living quaters, that conversation and question was followed by;
HIM: So what type of music do you listen to? **The Cd that was playing was some dirty south rapper, I just don't have an ear for that stuff anymore**
ME: I like Hip-Hop, Ol' skool stuff...some new skool too but, different things. **I went on to name a few of the folks in my Cd collection**
HIM: The who is this on the Cd right now?
ME: I dunno, some down south rapper, I can't really recall his name. I don't really listen to things like that...I just dont have a taste for it anymore.
HIM: See, that's what I'm talking about. You one of those Erykah Badu, have a brother tripping out and changing type sistahs...
ME: WHAT! First of all, Andre 3000 and Common were like that long before they met Erykah Badu, she just encouraged their freedom to be who they wanted to be and there is nothing wrong with that. People always try to give her a bad rap...I hate when people do that.
HIM: Whatever, she had them trippin'
I went on to win that argument, I used myself as an example...that's another blog. At any rate, I am convineced that I won that argument...the gull of some people huh.
Whatever, I'm still cool with me. That was the first person to ever say anything like that to me...I mean sure, people have called me weird, whatever. But to act a colour, I thought we were past that. All this time I thought the way people talked and acted and their accent was due to the region of the city, state, and world they brought up in...you know products of our environment. Guess some folks didn't get that memo.
Peace People, Take Care of Urself

The Vagina Blogalouges: Look At My Breast...

Maybe some of you can relate to this...what I am about to blog was a personal thought that I decided to share because maybe someone needs to relate to this as well. In all actuality, all blogs are personal thoughts...some are just more than others. Here goes:
I work out 6 times a week, sit-up & crunches, push-ups, leg-lifts, squats, sometimes I lift weights, and all the time I run. I will 26 years old December 3rd...I need to make sure now more than ever that I stay in shape because by design, this is when my body will start to slowly break down. Yesterday morning, I got off work...went to my living quarter, took a shower, and went back to my room to get dressed. There is a huge mirror in front of my bed...most of the time I don't pay any attention to it, for some reason today I did. I sat on the side of my bed and watch my body as I lotioned from foot to head (directing the energy upward). I love what I saw, I can really see a change in my body since I've started doing different routines with my work-out. I'm healthier, my skin is different, thick & strong, I can see other things starting to take shape. I got up to my breast and I just looked at them. I hutched my back and stood up straight, watched them fall and rise again. "Look at my breast", I thought to myself. "The breast of a woman, they are full and real and soft and brown...yeah they sag a little but thats life, everything can't be perfect. I hugged them (because I can), lifted them up and let them flop again. "Look at my breast, ha, they can feed a nation, raise a village, make my man (if I had one) feel good. Look at my breast, they're not perfect but I love em'."
Some people (women) might opt for surgery, they want to get breast lifts and augments...how do men feel about that I wonder. When men look at us, although we may not be please with what we see...do they view us the same way? Or do they truly love and appreciate the female body regardless of sags, dips, rolls, slopes, and any other "flaw" that may have been created by life's gravity?
Regardless, I find the female body unique and interesting, no two are the same. Each one has a story, each body part is custom fitted and hand crafted for us so, take care of it.
Peace People
Vee

Understanding I Understand

Question: Do you know how it feels to truly understand, to truly relate to something you read?
If not, take it from me...it is such a grand and marvelous feeling. Since I was a little girl, then a young woman, I have always enjoyed reading. Can't say that I loved it...to be honest but, I enjoyed it. When I was younger living in Chicago, my father used to tell me, "Veronica...always remember to read, read, read, know your history, the truth lays between those pages. You have to read, read, read." Back then I thought he was crazy, regardless of what he said, I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading so much that I wrote a childrens book in the 6th grade entitled "The Big Worm that Ate the Cat." True Story. In hind sight, whatever I put my mind to...I always manange to do it. I thank God for such awesome drive.
As many of you know, I am away right now. I am using this time for reflection, amongst other things. The first book that I have cracked open is entitled "Opening to Spirit" by Caroline Shola Arewa. Such a good read, I recommend it to anyone In Search Of. As I am reading this book, it's crazy how much of it I already relate to...I can't really explain it. I suppose in the company of my friends, we talk about some of the exact some things she speaks of in this book. Almost like, this book choose me in stead of the other way around. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that by the time I finish reading this book I will have more understanding of the knowledge I was seeking in the beginning. I was reaching out instead of reaching in.
I am looking forward to digesting this book. Speaking of books, I want to tear a page from my fathers book and encourage everyone to read more. Turn of the television and turn a page in a book. Read something fulfilling, something that you can share with children in the neighborhood, one of the "Did You Know" type of books. Read something that by the time you finish you will feel as if you have moved closer to the head of the class. Reading for entertainment it cool but read something heavy, fall asleep and wake up reading. Gosh it feels good.
"Read, read, read"...said my father, Mervyn Gilmore Hinds.

One Thousand and One Pieces of the Puzzle

Remember puzzles? I used to love putting them together, you have a ton of pieces or perhaps 8 or 10 big pieces. You'd have to look at the angles, shapes, pictures and figure out which one goes where. I always found it easier to put all the edges together then work on the inside. Next then you know, the big picture begins to come into focus...slowly but surely. Finally, you are complete! You take a step back and take a look at the work you've accomplished but wait, on the corner of the table, in the middle of the floor, in the bottom of the box...there is one piece left. It's not an edge because there are no corners, you look at the puzzle to make sure that you haven't left a spot open...everything is filled up. Where on God's green earth did this piece come from? Piece number 11, 51, 101, 1001...an extra piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit anywhere. What the eff? "Ah well", you think to yourself, "...the puzzle is finished". You toss the odd ball puzzle piece in the trash and carry on with life. It was just an extra puzzle piece.
Well, apply that to life...what about those people that are like those puzzle pieces? What happens to them in society? Do people just toss them aside and move on with life because they are odd or stick out or don't particularly share the same views as a certain group of people? Well, here how it feels.
I have been away from my (2nd) home for 17 days, although it seems much longer...its really only been 17 days...2 wks and some change. I find myself writing and calling folks back home, thinking that life is so grand and so marvelous and that everything is going on without me there. Truth of the matter is, everything is pretty much the same. Granted, if someone is missing its very obvious but for the most part, everything remains the same.
The thought that "everything grand is happening" , for me mostly comes from being the extra piece of the puzzle. The place that I am in is restricted, not only physically but mentally to a certain extent. I suppose I feel it the most because I don't like to be boxed in. I walk around with my headphones on mostly jamming to the new India.Arie or Gaelle and I go away, in my mind. It feels as if I am suppose to be here physically but my spirit, my mind is on another plane...I am somewhere that I can't quite put a finger on. The more I drift, the more I feel out of place here. I am brought back by conversation...someone interrupts my groove with touch and go conversations.
I don't have a problem being that extra piece...I am used to marching to the beat of my own drum. People tend to doubt me on a regular basis, I Thank God for the armor that I've been blessed with. I just wonder why people don't get it...I wonder why it never ceases to amaze me when people do things rude, selfish, or insensitive. It never fails...everytime someone says something to me that is far left field or just down right shocking, I find myself calling a friend or writing about it. I suppose I expect from other people what I expect for myself...to be those extras pieces or at least attempt to understand people that are instead of judging.

Adult Film Entertainment...Muthaf*&%%$#@! U Smokin'!

Let me first say, "It's not about money for me". I know that I gotta live and I believe that with a passion so pure and strong that nominal satisfaction comes with the dream.
I walked back to my living quarters after I ate day before yesterday and sat outside at the picnic table while listening to India Arie. A guy named, lets call him "Guy", who I'd seen over the past 3 days...we'd speak in passing, got off the bus, saw me sitting there and decided to invite himself over. True I spoke to him but that is not an invitation to come hold a conversation, especially if you see that I have on my headphones, nodding my head to my music and barely paying attention to you when you sit down. At any rate, he starts to talk about his music, and business, etc. He knows that I am filmmaker because of a previous "bus stop" conversation we'd had the day before. The conversation is very slow and staggering, you'd think he would have taken a hint but, no...he wants to sit and ask me what I think about the state of hip-hop, r&b, film. He asks for my advice on the path he should take in life then turns around and decides that he just wants to "Do It All", blah, blah, blah...
That goes on for about 40 minutes, then dead silence...I think to myself "Yes, he is about to say 'Well, I'll see you around'". I start to turn my music up and he looks at me with a sideways grin..."You know what I think you should do, just start you own Adult Entertainment Film Company". I had to take my headphones off at this point,
"What?!?!!!" (insert screwed face)
"I think you should start you own adult entertainment film company, you know...porn, he repeats. "Make you some money and then you'll be good to go. You just need to make that money to get in the door."
I reply, "You know what, I think it's time for me to go."
I begin to get up from the table...he laughs and swears that he was just playing. My argument is...that was a well thoughtout comment, I would never recommend that anyone produce porn to "get in the door", that can come back years from now and ruin their career and furthermore, in my book...I just don't get down with ish like that.
I explained to him that it is not about money and with a killer team, we can get in the door without having to "sell pron" just to make a little dough. I thought that was a very stupid thing to say. I know that sex sells but why, everytime I say "I am a filmmaker", the first thing that comes to mind is "Porn".
Perhaps, I am on another plain...maybe I'm a freaking alien or something cause I just don't get it. That really bothered me...not for me, but for him. One of his dreams, goals, aspirations in life was to be an emcee, he stated that when he saw that it was bringing in the dough, he had to find another avenue, so he decided to produce, once again no dough so he decided to write a book. I read some of the material...the intimate (sexual) portion is decent but it lacks development of the characters. He says, "That part is coming".
Here's the deal, in my eyes, a passion isn't a passion if you give up so easily. The minute your dream or aspiration doesn't bring you finacial satisfaction you want to ditch it and find something new...if that's the case, it was never an aspiration to begin with. Film is an expensive habit, if it was about the money...well, I would have given up years ago. But it's not...its a thriving passion inside of me that I am very grateful for...its truly a gift and I thank God for every hardship and success. The more I tried to explain that, the more he said you still gotta eat. True but the financial aspect was not at the for front of my mind. I just really like to see my dreams and the dreams of others materialize, if financial comfort is a result of that, then so be it.
Guy really ruffled my feathers...funny part about it is, I haven't seen him since.
"Give without expecting to receive. The reward will be much greater."

Fascinated with Nature

Sunny, Thursday afternoon, Cumulus Clouds...
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and it rained in the desert. For all of 20 minutes, it rained today. I never thought I'd see a day when it would rain...in the desert. It was all quite interesting. I am sitting down eating my lunch, debating on whether to have dessert. I walk over to the cookie/ ice cream stand and get a double chocolate chocolate cookie. Stopped at the cake rack to look at the delicious cheesecakes and make my way back to the table. Sat down for maybe 5 to 10 minutes and then it happens, it sounds like a large AC unit starting up but the AC is already on...full blast mind you. Then the sound get louder and louder, heavier and heavier, it's raining. Everyone in the cafeteria looks puzzled, amused that it is raining in the middle of the day, in the dust (desert). It was absolutely amazing.
I was in such shock that myself and a fellow co-worker went outside and sat in the company van while it rained...half the sky was desert sand tan and the other side was blue. God is so amazing.
Just wanted to share. It's Day 11 of my journey...gosh it seems like forever.
Peace

The Vagina Blogalouges: Intimidation Nation

Perhaps I am reading it wrong although I seriously doubt it. My spirit is pretty wide open, I receive different vibes from people, at times...I can pretty much understand someones personality. Not to judge them but to understand them.
Here's the skinny: I am in a foreign place, very, very different customs from what I am used. In my mind, I am going to be here for a few months...why not try to understand something about their customs, beliefs, etc. The other night I am in the city with a few people that I somewhat work with, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We sit down at the table, our waitor comes over and takes our drink order...I am a naturally inquisitive person, I like to be familiar with my surroundings, so I ask the waitor, "What is your name?" "My name is Marco" he replies with a smile as he shakes my hand. "Hi Marco, my name is Veronica", I reply with an Italian accent, "Where are you from?", I ask. "Italy", he replies. "Cool, well nice to meet you Marco", then I introduce the other three people sitting at the table and they greet him as well. After the introduction, Marco excuses himself from the table to get our drinks, appetizers, and orders. It was then that the claws came out.
As forementioned, I could have been reading this wrong but it felt as if I were being attacked by ill vibes. 2 of the 3 people at my table appeared to be very rude to me for some reason. I voice my opinion on how much I love differnt cultures and how beautiful the women and men are, their skin, their complexion, just culture...God's creation. One person said something along the lines of "You just love to talk don't you?", in a very derrogatory manner. Moments later, the other person said "So Miss open minded how do you feel about swingers clubs?" I didn't know what to say, I was just being my self and for that I get attacked.
For a split second I sat back in my seat and decided that I wouldn't say not another single word all night, then I thought about it..."I'm flyy. Why the eff am I going to let them get to me?" So I sat upright in my chair and said "Look, I'm a people person, that's just the way I am so deal with it, alright." Although I was dead serious, I softened the edges by continuing on with conversation, I addressed my views on swingers clubs and why I DON'T get down with that. Pretty much I was being myself for the rest of the evening & night.
It seems that when some people feel intimidated they lash out by trying to break down the person they feel threated by. Why is that? Why can't everyone just accept people for who they are instead of trying to break down their confidence to put their self on top. I failed to mention in the beginning that it was 3 females (including myself, the new girl) and one male. Maybe that had a little bit to do with the tongue lashing. At any rate, nevermore will I feel like I need to mask my personality. I am me. I am not a competetor...well, not for any man anyway. It was just very interesting observing the night.
I realize that I just don't fit in some places. To date, I haven't found anyone that I can relate to over here and I doubt that I will, I am hopeful but I seriously doubt that someone will come along that I click with.
Signing off for now folks,
Peace

The Vagina Blogalouges

Okay...let's just say this has to do with LIFE
For the Ladies, we've all been there before. You know, the "I want my p**** back" stage in our life. We look at what we've done and who we've done it with...then we begin to think about the things or people that other person has done. Or we think about the warnings, the many, many warnings that we've received from our TRUE female friends. They warn us the "Yeild to the Flesh", don't pass go, do not collect $200. And what do we do...we abuse our body, our spirit and soul, and our vagina and give in to temptation. Our kind and giving hearts overflow our logic and we give in, thinking that we can convience the male species to change his ways and stick to one good woman instead of fromping around with many chicken heads.
Not that we believe we can use sex as a form of converting, more so the time...that's what it all boils down to, time and conversation. And just when we think we're making a break through, the male species in the end...is the same way we met them. Fact of the matter is, "A Man will NOT change unless he wants or is ready to."
This blog was conceived while I was speaking with a female friend. Ladies we sometime have a tendency to lower our standards in order to lift up someone male or female (depends on your preference). In hind sight, vision is 20/20. It is then that you realize that the person in which you wanted to lift up was not nor did they have intentions on, lifting their self up. In fact, they are totally comfortable lying to their self, making plans to change but never really getting around to it, wallowing in self pity, and watching time past them by as they continue in their everyday routine. Meanwhile, we...lose a certain level of respect for our self. Blame, blame, blame our self for being so foolish, question our actions, and search for redemption. Why do we do this? Because we are women...compassionate, thoughtful, giving, giving, and more giving. Some of us more than others.
Today, I apologized to myself and my vagina. We have been through some rough times together, nevertheless, she holds me down. I can always count on her to be there when I need her, even when she didn't feel like hanging out with me...she was a trooper and I am grateful for that. Another thing I decided to do today was to be more selfish. Not steingy (I think that's how you spell it) but selfish. As forementioned "we sometime have a tendency to lower our standards in order to lift up", I don't do that very often but I have in the past on more than one occasion. From this day forward, no more! I am moving forward and as harsh as it may sound...I cannot be a "care giver" anymore. The energy that one puts into constantly lifting someone up that does not have the intention nor drive to help their self...argh, it can be very exhausting. With that being said...Later for that part of my life.
I am however very grateful for every experience and lesson learned.
This is my pledge:
No more, "I want my p**** back" stages in life!
No more, lending my vagina out for temporary pleasure!
No more, bending over to help those that won't help their self!
More love for self!
More of Me!
Peace
Idle Vee

Epedimic

http://streamos.warnermusic.com/wmedia/wmiuk/gnarlsbarkley/GnarlsBarkley_SmileyFaces_NewVersion_Hi.asx

Just click on it...Don't ask questions...Spread the word!