Question: Do you know how it feels to truly understand, to truly relate to something you read?
If not, take it from me...it is such a grand and marvelous feeling. Since I was a little girl, then a young woman, I have always enjoyed reading. Can't say that I loved it...to be honest but, I enjoyed it. When I was younger living in Chicago, my father used to tell me, "Veronica...always remember to read, read, read, know your history, the truth lays between those pages. You have to read, read, read." Back then I thought he was crazy, regardless of what he said, I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading so much that I wrote a childrens book in the 6th grade entitled "The Big Worm that Ate the Cat." True Story. In hind sight, whatever I put my mind to...I always manange to do it. I thank God for such awesome drive.
As many of you know, I am away right now. I am using this time for reflection, amongst other things. The first book that I have cracked open is entitled "Opening to Spirit" by Caroline Shola Arewa. Such a good read, I recommend it to anyone In Search Of. As I am reading this book, it's crazy how much of it I already relate to...I can't really explain it. I suppose in the company of my friends, we talk about some of the exact some things she speaks of in this book. Almost like, this book choose me in stead of the other way around. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that by the time I finish reading this book I will have more understanding of the knowledge I was seeking in the beginning. I was reaching out instead of reaching in.
I am looking forward to digesting this book. Speaking of books, I want to tear a page from my fathers book and encourage everyone to read more. Turn of the television and turn a page in a book. Read something fulfilling, something that you can share with children in the neighborhood, one of the "Did You Know" type of books. Read something that by the time you finish you will feel as if you have moved closer to the head of the class. Reading for entertainment it cool but read something heavy, fall asleep and wake up reading. Gosh it feels good.
"Read, read, read"...said my father, Mervyn Gilmore Hinds.
Monday, September 18, 2006
One Thousand and One Pieces of the Puzzle
Remember puzzles? I used to love putting them together, you have a ton of pieces or perhaps 8 or 10 big pieces. You'd have to look at the angles, shapes, pictures and figure out which one goes where. I always found it easier to put all the edges together then work on the inside. Next then you know, the big picture begins to come into focus...slowly but surely. Finally, you are complete! You take a step back and take a look at the work you've accomplished but wait, on the corner of the table, in the middle of the floor, in the bottom of the box...there is one piece left. It's not an edge because there are no corners, you look at the puzzle to make sure that you haven't left a spot open...everything is filled up. Where on God's green earth did this piece come from? Piece number 11, 51, 101, 1001...an extra piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit anywhere. What the eff? "Ah well", you think to yourself, "...the puzzle is finished". You toss the odd ball puzzle piece in the trash and carry on with life. It was just an extra puzzle piece.
Well, apply that to life...what about those people that are like those puzzle pieces? What happens to them in society? Do people just toss them aside and move on with life because they are odd or stick out or don't particularly share the same views as a certain group of people? Well, here how it feels.
I have been away from my (2nd) home for 17 days, although it seems much longer...its really only been 17 days...2 wks and some change. I find myself writing and calling folks back home, thinking that life is so grand and so marvelous and that everything is going on without me there. Truth of the matter is, everything is pretty much the same. Granted, if someone is missing its very obvious but for the most part, everything remains the same.
The thought that "everything grand is happening" , for me mostly comes from being the extra piece of the puzzle. The place that I am in is restricted, not only physically but mentally to a certain extent. I suppose I feel it the most because I don't like to be boxed in. I walk around with my headphones on mostly jamming to the new India.Arie or Gaelle and I go away, in my mind. It feels as if I am suppose to be here physically but my spirit, my mind is on another plane...I am somewhere that I can't quite put a finger on. The more I drift, the more I feel out of place here. I am brought back by conversation...someone interrupts my groove with touch and go conversations.
I don't have a problem being that extra piece...I am used to marching to the beat of my own drum. People tend to doubt me on a regular basis, I Thank God for the armor that I've been blessed with. I just wonder why people don't get it...I wonder why it never ceases to amaze me when people do things rude, selfish, or insensitive. It never fails...everytime someone says something to me that is far left field or just down right shocking, I find myself calling a friend or writing about it. I suppose I expect from other people what I expect for myself...to be those extras pieces or at least attempt to understand people that are instead of judging.
Well, apply that to life...what about those people that are like those puzzle pieces? What happens to them in society? Do people just toss them aside and move on with life because they are odd or stick out or don't particularly share the same views as a certain group of people? Well, here how it feels.
I have been away from my (2nd) home for 17 days, although it seems much longer...its really only been 17 days...2 wks and some change. I find myself writing and calling folks back home, thinking that life is so grand and so marvelous and that everything is going on without me there. Truth of the matter is, everything is pretty much the same. Granted, if someone is missing its very obvious but for the most part, everything remains the same.
The thought that "everything grand is happening" , for me mostly comes from being the extra piece of the puzzle. The place that I am in is restricted, not only physically but mentally to a certain extent. I suppose I feel it the most because I don't like to be boxed in. I walk around with my headphones on mostly jamming to the new India.Arie or Gaelle and I go away, in my mind. It feels as if I am suppose to be here physically but my spirit, my mind is on another plane...I am somewhere that I can't quite put a finger on. The more I drift, the more I feel out of place here. I am brought back by conversation...someone interrupts my groove with touch and go conversations.
I don't have a problem being that extra piece...I am used to marching to the beat of my own drum. People tend to doubt me on a regular basis, I Thank God for the armor that I've been blessed with. I just wonder why people don't get it...I wonder why it never ceases to amaze me when people do things rude, selfish, or insensitive. It never fails...everytime someone says something to me that is far left field or just down right shocking, I find myself calling a friend or writing about it. I suppose I expect from other people what I expect for myself...to be those extras pieces or at least attempt to understand people that are instead of judging.
Adult Film Entertainment...Muthaf*&%%$#@! U Smokin'!
Let me first say, "It's not about money for me". I know that I gotta live and I believe that with a passion so pure and strong that nominal satisfaction comes with the dream.
I walked back to my living quarters after I ate day before yesterday and sat outside at the picnic table while listening to India Arie. A guy named, lets call him "Guy", who I'd seen over the past 3 days...we'd speak in passing, got off the bus, saw me sitting there and decided to invite himself over. True I spoke to him but that is not an invitation to come hold a conversation, especially if you see that I have on my headphones, nodding my head to my music and barely paying attention to you when you sit down. At any rate, he starts to talk about his music, and business, etc. He knows that I am filmmaker because of a previous "bus stop" conversation we'd had the day before. The conversation is very slow and staggering, you'd think he would have taken a hint but, no...he wants to sit and ask me what I think about the state of hip-hop, r&b, film. He asks for my advice on the path he should take in life then turns around and decides that he just wants to "Do It All", blah, blah, blah...
That goes on for about 40 minutes, then dead silence...I think to myself "Yes, he is about to say 'Well, I'll see you around'". I start to turn my music up and he looks at me with a sideways grin..."You know what I think you should do, just start you own Adult Entertainment Film Company". I had to take my headphones off at this point,
"What?!?!!!" (insert screwed face)
"I think you should start you own adult entertainment film company, you know...porn, he repeats. "Make you some money and then you'll be good to go. You just need to make that money to get in the door."
I reply, "You know what, I think it's time for me to go."
I begin to get up from the table...he laughs and swears that he was just playing. My argument is...that was a well thoughtout comment, I would never recommend that anyone produce porn to "get in the door", that can come back years from now and ruin their career and furthermore, in my book...I just don't get down with ish like that.
I explained to him that it is not about money and with a killer team, we can get in the door without having to "sell pron" just to make a little dough. I thought that was a very stupid thing to say. I know that sex sells but why, everytime I say "I am a filmmaker", the first thing that comes to mind is "Porn".
Perhaps, I am on another plain...maybe I'm a freaking alien or something cause I just don't get it. That really bothered me...not for me, but for him. One of his dreams, goals, aspirations in life was to be an emcee, he stated that when he saw that it was bringing in the dough, he had to find another avenue, so he decided to produce, once again no dough so he decided to write a book. I read some of the material...the intimate (sexual) portion is decent but it lacks development of the characters. He says, "That part is coming".
Here's the deal, in my eyes, a passion isn't a passion if you give up so easily. The minute your dream or aspiration doesn't bring you finacial satisfaction you want to ditch it and find something new...if that's the case, it was never an aspiration to begin with. Film is an expensive habit, if it was about the money...well, I would have given up years ago. But it's not...its a thriving passion inside of me that I am very grateful for...its truly a gift and I thank God for every hardship and success. The more I tried to explain that, the more he said you still gotta eat. True but the financial aspect was not at the for front of my mind. I just really like to see my dreams and the dreams of others materialize, if financial comfort is a result of that, then so be it.
Guy really ruffled my feathers...funny part about it is, I haven't seen him since.
"Give without expecting to receive. The reward will be much greater."
I walked back to my living quarters after I ate day before yesterday and sat outside at the picnic table while listening to India Arie. A guy named, lets call him "Guy", who I'd seen over the past 3 days...we'd speak in passing, got off the bus, saw me sitting there and decided to invite himself over. True I spoke to him but that is not an invitation to come hold a conversation, especially if you see that I have on my headphones, nodding my head to my music and barely paying attention to you when you sit down. At any rate, he starts to talk about his music, and business, etc. He knows that I am filmmaker because of a previous "bus stop" conversation we'd had the day before. The conversation is very slow and staggering, you'd think he would have taken a hint but, no...he wants to sit and ask me what I think about the state of hip-hop, r&b, film. He asks for my advice on the path he should take in life then turns around and decides that he just wants to "Do It All", blah, blah, blah...
That goes on for about 40 minutes, then dead silence...I think to myself "Yes, he is about to say 'Well, I'll see you around'". I start to turn my music up and he looks at me with a sideways grin..."You know what I think you should do, just start you own Adult Entertainment Film Company". I had to take my headphones off at this point,
"What?!?!!!" (insert screwed face)
"I think you should start you own adult entertainment film company, you know...porn, he repeats. "Make you some money and then you'll be good to go. You just need to make that money to get in the door."
I reply, "You know what, I think it's time for me to go."
I begin to get up from the table...he laughs and swears that he was just playing. My argument is...that was a well thoughtout comment, I would never recommend that anyone produce porn to "get in the door", that can come back years from now and ruin their career and furthermore, in my book...I just don't get down with ish like that.
I explained to him that it is not about money and with a killer team, we can get in the door without having to "sell pron" just to make a little dough. I thought that was a very stupid thing to say. I know that sex sells but why, everytime I say "I am a filmmaker", the first thing that comes to mind is "Porn".
Perhaps, I am on another plain...maybe I'm a freaking alien or something cause I just don't get it. That really bothered me...not for me, but for him. One of his dreams, goals, aspirations in life was to be an emcee, he stated that when he saw that it was bringing in the dough, he had to find another avenue, so he decided to produce, once again no dough so he decided to write a book. I read some of the material...the intimate (sexual) portion is decent but it lacks development of the characters. He says, "That part is coming".
Here's the deal, in my eyes, a passion isn't a passion if you give up so easily. The minute your dream or aspiration doesn't bring you finacial satisfaction you want to ditch it and find something new...if that's the case, it was never an aspiration to begin with. Film is an expensive habit, if it was about the money...well, I would have given up years ago. But it's not...its a thriving passion inside of me that I am very grateful for...its truly a gift and I thank God for every hardship and success. The more I tried to explain that, the more he said you still gotta eat. True but the financial aspect was not at the for front of my mind. I just really like to see my dreams and the dreams of others materialize, if financial comfort is a result of that, then so be it.
Guy really ruffled my feathers...funny part about it is, I haven't seen him since.
"Give without expecting to receive. The reward will be much greater."
Fascinated with Nature
Sunny, Thursday afternoon, Cumulus Clouds...
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and it rained in the desert. For all of 20 minutes, it rained today. I never thought I'd see a day when it would rain...in the desert. It was all quite interesting. I am sitting down eating my lunch, debating on whether to have dessert. I walk over to the cookie/ ice cream stand and get a double chocolate chocolate cookie. Stopped at the cake rack to look at the delicious cheesecakes and make my way back to the table. Sat down for maybe 5 to 10 minutes and then it happens, it sounds like a large AC unit starting up but the AC is already on...full blast mind you. Then the sound get louder and louder, heavier and heavier, it's raining. Everyone in the cafeteria looks puzzled, amused that it is raining in the middle of the day, in the dust (desert). It was absolutely amazing.
I was in such shock that myself and a fellow co-worker went outside and sat in the company van while it rained...half the sky was desert sand tan and the other side was blue. God is so amazing.
Just wanted to share. It's Day 11 of my journey...gosh it seems like forever.
Peace
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and it rained in the desert. For all of 20 minutes, it rained today. I never thought I'd see a day when it would rain...in the desert. It was all quite interesting. I am sitting down eating my lunch, debating on whether to have dessert. I walk over to the cookie/ ice cream stand and get a double chocolate chocolate cookie. Stopped at the cake rack to look at the delicious cheesecakes and make my way back to the table. Sat down for maybe 5 to 10 minutes and then it happens, it sounds like a large AC unit starting up but the AC is already on...full blast mind you. Then the sound get louder and louder, heavier and heavier, it's raining. Everyone in the cafeteria looks puzzled, amused that it is raining in the middle of the day, in the dust (desert). It was absolutely amazing.
I was in such shock that myself and a fellow co-worker went outside and sat in the company van while it rained...half the sky was desert sand tan and the other side was blue. God is so amazing.
Just wanted to share. It's Day 11 of my journey...gosh it seems like forever.
Peace
The Vagina Blogalouges: Intimidation Nation
Perhaps I am reading it wrong although I seriously doubt it. My spirit is pretty wide open, I receive different vibes from people, at times...I can pretty much understand someones personality. Not to judge them but to understand them.
Here's the skinny: I am in a foreign place, very, very different customs from what I am used. In my mind, I am going to be here for a few months...why not try to understand something about their customs, beliefs, etc. The other night I am in the city with a few people that I somewhat work with, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We sit down at the table, our waitor comes over and takes our drink order...I am a naturally inquisitive person, I like to be familiar with my surroundings, so I ask the waitor, "What is your name?" "My name is Marco" he replies with a smile as he shakes my hand. "Hi Marco, my name is Veronica", I reply with an Italian accent, "Where are you from?", I ask. "Italy", he replies. "Cool, well nice to meet you Marco", then I introduce the other three people sitting at the table and they greet him as well. After the introduction, Marco excuses himself from the table to get our drinks, appetizers, and orders. It was then that the claws came out.
As forementioned, I could have been reading this wrong but it felt as if I were being attacked by ill vibes. 2 of the 3 people at my table appeared to be very rude to me for some reason. I voice my opinion on how much I love differnt cultures and how beautiful the women and men are, their skin, their complexion, just culture...God's creation. One person said something along the lines of "You just love to talk don't you?", in a very derrogatory manner. Moments later, the other person said "So Miss open minded how do you feel about swingers clubs?" I didn't know what to say, I was just being my self and for that I get attacked.
For a split second I sat back in my seat and decided that I wouldn't say not another single word all night, then I thought about it..."I'm flyy. Why the eff am I going to let them get to me?" So I sat upright in my chair and said "Look, I'm a people person, that's just the way I am so deal with it, alright." Although I was dead serious, I softened the edges by continuing on with conversation, I addressed my views on swingers clubs and why I DON'T get down with that. Pretty much I was being myself for the rest of the evening & night.
It seems that when some people feel intimidated they lash out by trying to break down the person they feel threated by. Why is that? Why can't everyone just accept people for who they are instead of trying to break down their confidence to put their self on top. I failed to mention in the beginning that it was 3 females (including myself, the new girl) and one male. Maybe that had a little bit to do with the tongue lashing. At any rate, nevermore will I feel like I need to mask my personality. I am me. I am not a competetor...well, not for any man anyway. It was just very interesting observing the night.
I realize that I just don't fit in some places. To date, I haven't found anyone that I can relate to over here and I doubt that I will, I am hopeful but I seriously doubt that someone will come along that I click with.
Signing off for now folks,
Peace
Here's the skinny: I am in a foreign place, very, very different customs from what I am used. In my mind, I am going to be here for a few months...why not try to understand something about their customs, beliefs, etc. The other night I am in the city with a few people that I somewhat work with, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We sit down at the table, our waitor comes over and takes our drink order...I am a naturally inquisitive person, I like to be familiar with my surroundings, so I ask the waitor, "What is your name?" "My name is Marco" he replies with a smile as he shakes my hand. "Hi Marco, my name is Veronica", I reply with an Italian accent, "Where are you from?", I ask. "Italy", he replies. "Cool, well nice to meet you Marco", then I introduce the other three people sitting at the table and they greet him as well. After the introduction, Marco excuses himself from the table to get our drinks, appetizers, and orders. It was then that the claws came out.
As forementioned, I could have been reading this wrong but it felt as if I were being attacked by ill vibes. 2 of the 3 people at my table appeared to be very rude to me for some reason. I voice my opinion on how much I love differnt cultures and how beautiful the women and men are, their skin, their complexion, just culture...God's creation. One person said something along the lines of "You just love to talk don't you?", in a very derrogatory manner. Moments later, the other person said "So Miss open minded how do you feel about swingers clubs?" I didn't know what to say, I was just being my self and for that I get attacked.
For a split second I sat back in my seat and decided that I wouldn't say not another single word all night, then I thought about it..."I'm flyy. Why the eff am I going to let them get to me?" So I sat upright in my chair and said "Look, I'm a people person, that's just the way I am so deal with it, alright." Although I was dead serious, I softened the edges by continuing on with conversation, I addressed my views on swingers clubs and why I DON'T get down with that. Pretty much I was being myself for the rest of the evening & night.
It seems that when some people feel intimidated they lash out by trying to break down the person they feel threated by. Why is that? Why can't everyone just accept people for who they are instead of trying to break down their confidence to put their self on top. I failed to mention in the beginning that it was 3 females (including myself, the new girl) and one male. Maybe that had a little bit to do with the tongue lashing. At any rate, nevermore will I feel like I need to mask my personality. I am me. I am not a competetor...well, not for any man anyway. It was just very interesting observing the night.
I realize that I just don't fit in some places. To date, I haven't found anyone that I can relate to over here and I doubt that I will, I am hopeful but I seriously doubt that someone will come along that I click with.
Signing off for now folks,
Peace
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