Let me first say, "It's not about money for me". I know that I gotta live and I believe that with a passion so pure and strong that nominal satisfaction comes with the dream.
I walked back to my living quarters after I ate day before yesterday and sat outside at the picnic table while listening to India Arie. A guy named, lets call him "Guy", who I'd seen over the past 3 days...we'd speak in passing, got off the bus, saw me sitting there and decided to invite himself over. True I spoke to him but that is not an invitation to come hold a conversation, especially if you see that I have on my headphones, nodding my head to my music and barely paying attention to you when you sit down. At any rate, he starts to talk about his music, and business, etc. He knows that I am filmmaker because of a previous "bus stop" conversation we'd had the day before. The conversation is very slow and staggering, you'd think he would have taken a hint but, no...he wants to sit and ask me what I think about the state of hip-hop, r&b, film. He asks for my advice on the path he should take in life then turns around and decides that he just wants to "Do It All", blah, blah, blah...
That goes on for about 40 minutes, then dead silence...I think to myself "Yes, he is about to say 'Well, I'll see you around'". I start to turn my music up and he looks at me with a sideways grin..."You know what I think you should do, just start you own Adult Entertainment Film Company". I had to take my headphones off at this point,
"What?!?!!!" (insert screwed face)
"I think you should start you own adult entertainment film company, you know...porn, he repeats. "Make you some money and then you'll be good to go. You just need to make that money to get in the door."
I reply, "You know what, I think it's time for me to go."
I begin to get up from the table...he laughs and swears that he was just playing. My argument is...that was a well thoughtout comment, I would never recommend that anyone produce porn to "get in the door", that can come back years from now and ruin their career and furthermore, in my book...I just don't get down with ish like that.
I explained to him that it is not about money and with a killer team, we can get in the door without having to "sell pron" just to make a little dough. I thought that was a very stupid thing to say. I know that sex sells but why, everytime I say "I am a filmmaker", the first thing that comes to mind is "Porn".
Perhaps, I am on another plain...maybe I'm a freaking alien or something cause I just don't get it. That really bothered me...not for me, but for him. One of his dreams, goals, aspirations in life was to be an emcee, he stated that when he saw that it was bringing in the dough, he had to find another avenue, so he decided to produce, once again no dough so he decided to write a book. I read some of the material...the intimate (sexual) portion is decent but it lacks development of the characters. He says, "That part is coming".
Here's the deal, in my eyes, a passion isn't a passion if you give up so easily. The minute your dream or aspiration doesn't bring you finacial satisfaction you want to ditch it and find something new...if that's the case, it was never an aspiration to begin with. Film is an expensive habit, if it was about the money...well, I would have given up years ago. But it's not...its a thriving passion inside of me that I am very grateful for...its truly a gift and I thank God for every hardship and success. The more I tried to explain that, the more he said you still gotta eat. True but the financial aspect was not at the for front of my mind. I just really like to see my dreams and the dreams of others materialize, if financial comfort is a result of that, then so be it.
Guy really ruffled my feathers...funny part about it is, I haven't seen him since.
"Give without expecting to receive. The reward will be much greater."
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