Whew...less than a year remaining and I will be "On My Own". I think about it often...I also think a lot about my dreams and passions that must be fulfilled. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such and awesome, supporting, and inspirational group of people. God really looked and is looking out for me. I am getting ready to make the biggest decision in my life and I have to admit, its a little shaky. I am excited and nervous at the same time...is that strange?
I dream of myself and my two film partners at our movie premiers, I dream about the impact that our films will have on the world and on people way of thinking. I dream of us on the Oprah show...mind you this in the very near future. I dream of US, females...making a change, three powerful film making women...that is who we are. Excited and nervous at the same time...that is me, right now.
I have been talking about this for 11 years non-stop, now it is finally time for me to step out of this cocoon. I feel as if I've been sheltered from the harsh realities of the world, now I will step out onto the world, armour donned, equipment ready, mind set...on your mark, get set, GO!
Just thinking...can't really talk anymore...gotta find a job.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
Just Talking about Stuff...
**First and foremost, if anyone from my "Real Life" circle of friends is reading this just know that I miss yall dearly...really I do.**
So there is this song in my head right now by Talib Kweli featuring Bilal..."Waiting for the DJ to...let your body rock...ohh...so I can show you..." yall know the rest. I've been looking over my past blogs and lately I've been in a super fresh mood. I dig that. I think its partly because of all of this "Me" time that I have while I am away from VA. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we get so ahead of our self that we don't realize how much we need to slow down. "Well God, I'm listening to ya." My sistah friend told me this months ago when I had events going on and planning for video shoots, she said "Don't get so busy that you forget to appreciate yourself and your friends." I acknowledged what she said yet I still was on over drive. I now realize that I need to physically apply that to life instead of just writing it on a list of "Things to Do." Life is good, the weather is good, I am good...yeah.
Okay...another story: So I went to the store the other day *flashback* A few weeks ago, this guy...lets just call him "Guy", invited my cousin and I over for Thanksgiving Dinner. He said that a friend of his had a place in town and the whole crew was going to be over there cooking and so on and so forth. So *flash forward to the beginning of this story* I went to the store to get some stuff to do my nails, gotta take care of your self. I saw him in the aisle that I was in, he looked at the items I had in my hand and said"
GUY: What are you doing over here?
ME: Getting some stuff to go do my manicure.
GUY: Why don't you just go to get your nails done at the salon?
ME: Why pay for something that I can do myself?
GUY: O!...Lemme guess, you're one of those "I don't need no man to do nothing for me" type females huh?
ME: I never said "I don't need a man for anything"..what I said was "Why do I need to pay for something that I can do myself?"
GUY: Well, because its cheap.
**Right here is when my feathers got a little ruffled because why is it that WE always feel the need to resort to outside sources for things that we can do our self?**
ME: *sigh* Listen I am going to do my nails myself because I can.
GUY: Whats that on your arm? (Looking at my tattoo) Is that a scorpion or something?
ME: No...its a Sankofa Bird...
GUY: Sankofa, what does that mean?
ME: In short: Understanding your past in order to move forward.
GUY: Oh Lawd...you one of those...
ME: (I cut him off)...Go ahead, get it out of your system, a lot of people do...one of those "pro-black, poetry reading, finger snapping, blah-blah-blah..." I get so tired of hearing that.
GUY: (He trips over his words before making another ignorant statement)...I knew this one lady, I used to work with this lady that had these messages on her computer, those "I can do anything" type messages, do you read those? What are they called?
ME: Affirmations? (Your idiot)
GUY: Yeah...ha ha...you read those, you believe in those?
ME: (By now, I want to roundhouse kick this GUY in the face) Yes, I do...(I really did not feel like entertaining him anymore. It was apparent that my conversation was fading.)
GUY: Well, let me stop talking...I can see you're getting bothered. Plus, you cooking on Thanksgiving...
ME: Well...I'm having 2nd thoughts about that now (I grab the fingernail file and walk away)
What-A-Day...
So there is this song in my head right now by Talib Kweli featuring Bilal..."Waiting for the DJ to...let your body rock...ohh...so I can show you..." yall know the rest. I've been looking over my past blogs and lately I've been in a super fresh mood. I dig that. I think its partly because of all of this "Me" time that I have while I am away from VA. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we get so ahead of our self that we don't realize how much we need to slow down. "Well God, I'm listening to ya." My sistah friend told me this months ago when I had events going on and planning for video shoots, she said "Don't get so busy that you forget to appreciate yourself and your friends." I acknowledged what she said yet I still was on over drive. I now realize that I need to physically apply that to life instead of just writing it on a list of "Things to Do." Life is good, the weather is good, I am good...yeah.
Okay...another story: So I went to the store the other day *flashback* A few weeks ago, this guy...lets just call him "Guy", invited my cousin and I over for Thanksgiving Dinner. He said that a friend of his had a place in town and the whole crew was going to be over there cooking and so on and so forth. So *flash forward to the beginning of this story* I went to the store to get some stuff to do my nails, gotta take care of your self. I saw him in the aisle that I was in, he looked at the items I had in my hand and said"
GUY: What are you doing over here?
ME: Getting some stuff to go do my manicure.
GUY: Why don't you just go to get your nails done at the salon?
ME: Why pay for something that I can do myself?
GUY: O!...Lemme guess, you're one of those "I don't need no man to do nothing for me" type females huh?
ME: I never said "I don't need a man for anything"..what I said was "Why do I need to pay for something that I can do myself?"
GUY: Well, because its cheap.
**Right here is when my feathers got a little ruffled because why is it that WE always feel the need to resort to outside sources for things that we can do our self?**
ME: *sigh* Listen I am going to do my nails myself because I can.
GUY: Whats that on your arm? (Looking at my tattoo) Is that a scorpion or something?
ME: No...its a Sankofa Bird...
GUY: Sankofa, what does that mean?
ME: In short: Understanding your past in order to move forward.
GUY: Oh Lawd...you one of those...
ME: (I cut him off)...Go ahead, get it out of your system, a lot of people do...one of those "pro-black, poetry reading, finger snapping, blah-blah-blah..." I get so tired of hearing that.
GUY: (He trips over his words before making another ignorant statement)...I knew this one lady, I used to work with this lady that had these messages on her computer, those "I can do anything" type messages, do you read those? What are they called?
ME: Affirmations? (Your idiot)
GUY: Yeah...ha ha...you read those, you believe in those?
ME: (By now, I want to roundhouse kick this GUY in the face) Yes, I do...(I really did not feel like entertaining him anymore. It was apparent that my conversation was fading.)
GUY: Well, let me stop talking...I can see you're getting bothered. Plus, you cooking on Thanksgiving...
ME: Well...I'm having 2nd thoughts about that now (I grab the fingernail file and walk away)
What-A-Day...
Sunday, November 05, 2006
Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You
THIS IS MY NEWEST PIECE, I'M WRITING AGAIN. A GREAT WRITER WRITES ABOUT WHAT THEY KNOW.
**THIS IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY, THAT OF WHICH IS MY LIFE. PEACE**
Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You
Days later I can still feel him inside of me
Indecisive thoughts clouding me
"I could be his strumpet if I wanted to."
Percolate on demand from the touch of his hands
Neck, shoulders-waist and ass...
Devise the process it takes for us to undress
This-is iniquitous but I can't resist
I want to feel him
I want to feel him again
I want to feel him again and again and again
Until I can feel no more
"Yeah, I could be his whore if I wanted to.
But respect would be lost where respect is due."
What happened to benevolence?
That-was my initial expectation.
His embrace left my heart palpitating
And my vagina-pulsating, vibrating
Chakras aligned from root up through my spine.
I could no longer see straight
Utopian mind state
"How did I get here?"
Love of self turned into displays of passion for
Someone else
"I want him to feel me feeling him."
My kegel muscles tighten around his manhood
"Damn this dick is good!"
I can feel his heart beat-inside of me
It's-right-there
Reality sets in
He doesn't care
There I sit, staring into space
I feel void
Not used to this
2006 casual sex shit
Temporary passionate filled thrills
Leaves me still...he leaves me still, alone
Days later I expect reciprocation of these feelings he knew nothing about
Comfort, I'll go without
He talks about his girlfriend
Shortly she is forgotten with a request for our last rendezvous
I can't lie, I really want to...so I do.
The demure of Karma
My actions were amiss.
Perplexity of him and I-is no mystery.
He just wanted to fuck.
He got his, I never got mine.
I can't do this anymore.
I love myself too much just to be used for copulation.
If propositioned again I pray not to show hesitation.
I'm quite sure someone else will supplant me shortly.
I care too much not to care.
And still, I fancy his company.
Nobody's perfect
This untimely predicament isn't worth ending a friendship.
When shit just doesn't make sense,
It just is, what it is.
Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You.
Written by: Veronica Hinds /October 2006/
**THIS IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY, THAT OF WHICH IS MY LIFE. PEACE**
Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You
Days later I can still feel him inside of me
Indecisive thoughts clouding me
"I could be his strumpet if I wanted to."
Percolate on demand from the touch of his hands
Neck, shoulders-waist and ass...
Devise the process it takes for us to undress
This-is iniquitous but I can't resist
I want to feel him
I want to feel him again
I want to feel him again and again and again
Until I can feel no more
"Yeah, I could be his whore if I wanted to.
But respect would be lost where respect is due."
What happened to benevolence?
That-was my initial expectation.
His embrace left my heart palpitating
And my vagina-pulsating, vibrating
Chakras aligned from root up through my spine.
I could no longer see straight
Utopian mind state
"How did I get here?"
Love of self turned into displays of passion for
Someone else
"I want him to feel me feeling him."
My kegel muscles tighten around his manhood
"Damn this dick is good!"
I can feel his heart beat-inside of me
It's-right-there
Reality sets in
He doesn't care
There I sit, staring into space
I feel void
Not used to this
2006 casual sex shit
Temporary passionate filled thrills
Leaves me still...he leaves me still, alone
Days later I expect reciprocation of these feelings he knew nothing about
Comfort, I'll go without
He talks about his girlfriend
Shortly she is forgotten with a request for our last rendezvous
I can't lie, I really want to...so I do.
The demure of Karma
My actions were amiss.
Perplexity of him and I-is no mystery.
He just wanted to fuck.
He got his, I never got mine.
I can't do this anymore.
I love myself too much just to be used for copulation.
If propositioned again I pray not to show hesitation.
I'm quite sure someone else will supplant me shortly.
I care too much not to care.
And still, I fancy his company.
Nobody's perfect
This untimely predicament isn't worth ending a friendship.
When shit just doesn't make sense,
It just is, what it is.
Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You.
Written by: Veronica Hinds /October 2006/
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