Create Your Own Destiny...

Whew...less than a year remaining and I will be "On My Own". I think about it often...I also think a lot about my dreams and passions that must be fulfilled. I am so blessed to be surrounded by such and awesome, supporting, and inspirational group of people. God really looked and is looking out for me. I am getting ready to make the biggest decision in my life and I have to admit, its a little shaky. I am excited and nervous at the same time...is that strange?
I dream of myself and my two film partners at our movie premiers, I dream about the impact that our films will have on the world and on people way of thinking. I dream of us on the Oprah show...mind you this in the very near future. I dream of US, females...making a change, three powerful film making women...that is who we are. Excited and nervous at the same time...that is me, right now.
I have been talking about this for 11 years non-stop, now it is finally time for me to step out of this cocoon. I feel as if I've been sheltered from the harsh realities of the world, now I will step out onto the world, armour donned, equipment ready, mind set...on your mark, get set, GO!
Just thinking...can't really talk anymore...gotta find a job.

Just Talking about Stuff...

**First and foremost, if anyone from my "Real Life" circle of friends is reading this just know that I miss yall dearly...really I do.**
So there is this song in my head right now by Talib Kweli featuring Bilal..."Waiting for the DJ to...let your body rock...ohh...so I can show you..." yall know the rest. I've been looking over my past blogs and lately I've been in a super fresh mood. I dig that. I think its partly because of all of this "Me" time that I have while I am away from VA. Everything happens for a reason, sometimes we get so ahead of our self that we don't realize how much we need to slow down. "Well God, I'm listening to ya." My sistah friend told me this months ago when I had events going on and planning for video shoots, she said "Don't get so busy that you forget to appreciate yourself and your friends." I acknowledged what she said yet I still was on over drive. I now realize that I need to physically apply that to life instead of just writing it on a list of "Things to Do." Life is good, the weather is good, I am good...yeah.
Okay...another story: So I went to the store the other day *flashback* A few weeks ago, this guy...lets just call him "Guy", invited my cousin and I over for Thanksgiving Dinner. He said that a friend of his had a place in town and the whole crew was going to be over there cooking and so on and so forth. So *flash forward to the beginning of this story* I went to the store to get some stuff to do my nails, gotta take care of your self. I saw him in the aisle that I was in, he looked at the items I had in my hand and said"
GUY: What are you doing over here?
ME: Getting some stuff to go do my manicure.
GUY: Why don't you just go to get your nails done at the salon?
ME: Why pay for something that I can do myself?
GUY: O!...Lemme guess, you're one of those "I don't need no man to do nothing for me" type females huh?
ME: I never said "I don't need a man for anything"..what I said was "Why do I need to pay for something that I can do myself?"
GUY: Well, because its cheap.
**Right here is when my feathers got a little ruffled because why is it that WE always feel the need to resort to outside sources for things that we can do our self?**
ME: *sigh* Listen I am going to do my nails myself because I can.
GUY: Whats that on your arm? (Looking at my tattoo) Is that a scorpion or something?
ME: No...its a Sankofa Bird...
GUY: Sankofa, what does that mean?
ME: In short: Understanding your past in order to move forward.
GUY: Oh Lawd...you one of those...
ME: (I cut him off)...Go ahead, get it out of your system, a lot of people do...one of those "pro-black, poetry reading, finger snapping, blah-blah-blah..." I get so tired of hearing that.
GUY: (He trips over his words before making another ignorant statement)...I knew this one lady, I used to work with this lady that had these messages on her computer, those "I can do anything" type messages, do you read those? What are they called?
ME: Affirmations? (Your idiot)
GUY: Yeah...ha ha...you read those, you believe in those?
ME: (By now, I want to roundhouse kick this GUY in the face) Yes, I do...(I really did not feel like entertaining him anymore. It was apparent that my conversation was fading.)
GUY: Well, let me stop talking...I can see you're getting bothered. Plus, you cooking on Thanksgiving...
ME: Well...I'm having 2nd thoughts about that now (I grab the fingernail file and walk away)
What-A-Day...

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You

THIS IS MY NEWEST PIECE, I'M WRITING AGAIN. A GREAT WRITER WRITES ABOUT WHAT THEY KNOW.

**THIS IS BASED ON THE TRUE STORY, THAT OF WHICH IS MY LIFE. PEACE**

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You

Days later I can still feel him inside of me
Indecisive thoughts clouding me
"I could be his strumpet if I wanted to."
Percolate on demand from the touch of his hands
Neck, shoulders-waist and ass...
Devise the process it takes for us to undress
This-is iniquitous but I can't resist
I want to feel him
I want to feel him again
I want to feel him again and again and again
Until I can feel no more
"Yeah, I could be his whore if I wanted to.
But respect would be lost where respect is due."

What happened to benevolence?
That-was my initial expectation.
His embrace left my heart palpitating
And my vagina-pulsating, vibrating
Chakras aligned from root up through my spine.
I could no longer see straight
Utopian mind state
"How did I get here?"
Love of self turned into displays of passion for
Someone else
"I want him to feel me feeling him."
My kegel muscles tighten around his manhood
"Damn this dick is good!"
I can feel his heart beat-inside of me
It's-right-there

Reality sets in
He doesn't care
There I sit, staring into space
I feel void
Not used to this
2006 casual sex shit
Temporary passionate filled thrills
Leaves me still...he leaves me still, alone

Days later I expect reciprocation of these feelings he knew nothing about
Comfort, I'll go without
He talks about his girlfriend
Shortly she is forgotten with a request for our last rendezvous
I can't lie, I really want to...so I do.
The demure of Karma
My actions were amiss.
Perplexity of him and I-is no mystery.
He just wanted to fuck.

He got his, I never got mine.
I can't do this anymore.
I love myself too much just to be used for copulation.
If propositioned again I pray not to show hesitation.

I'm quite sure someone else will supplant me shortly.
I care too much not to care.
And still, I fancy his company.
Nobody's perfect
This untimely predicament isn't worth ending a friendship.

When shit just doesn't make sense,
It just is, what it is.

Antiquity Memories from a Woman's Point of You.

Written by: Veronica Hinds /October 2006/

Act Your Color?

Today was a good day. Lately, I've had plenty of good days, nothing seems to bother and I'm cool with that. I wake up, I have no worries, bills are paid, I am getting fit, I love myself and the life that I am blessed to be living.
I was supposed to go see a movie today but my home girl and I decided against that because the movie that was showing was pretty wack...so we decided to go another day. It's 5pm, dinner has started, think I'll go eat. Upon exiting my living quarter, I see a familiar face...a guy that I've seen around for the past few weeks, we often speak in passing. He offers to give me a ride to the dining facility, I oblidge.
Dinner happens, we hold generic conversation...you know, what do you do, where are you from, how many people have tired to talk to you, what does you tattoo mean, etc. All the questions and topics to try to figure out an angle to approach a female. Dinner is over, we exit the dining facility, then it happens.
HIM: You know, some folks might say you're a little weird before they get to know you...
ME: What do you mean???????.....
HIM: Well, you got the "Black girl" look, the "Black girl" body but, you don't sound or act like a "Black girl"...
ME: WHAT! What the eff do you mean? How can someone sound "Black" or act "Black"? **In my mind, I'm thinking that we'd gotten past this state of mind**
HIM: Well, I'm from Detriot and you just don't sound like...a "Black girl", I mean, you're from New Orleans, you don't have an accent, nothing...
ME: Well, I've been in the Navy for 7 1/2 years, I've travelled...what do you mean I don't sound or act "Black", I am going to have to write about that.... **By now, I am really in shock, the only thing I could do is repeat his dumb ass question**
HIM: See that's what I'm saying...you're going to "write about it?"
ME: So Black people don't write about what they go through on a daily basis? What? **I laugh from the ignorance**
We get in the truck and ride back to the living quaters, that conversation and question was followed by;
HIM: So what type of music do you listen to? **The Cd that was playing was some dirty south rapper, I just don't have an ear for that stuff anymore**
ME: I like Hip-Hop, Ol' skool stuff...some new skool too but, different things. **I went on to name a few of the folks in my Cd collection**
HIM: The who is this on the Cd right now?
ME: I dunno, some down south rapper, I can't really recall his name. I don't really listen to things like that...I just dont have a taste for it anymore.
HIM: See, that's what I'm talking about. You one of those Erykah Badu, have a brother tripping out and changing type sistahs...
ME: WHAT! First of all, Andre 3000 and Common were like that long before they met Erykah Badu, she just encouraged their freedom to be who they wanted to be and there is nothing wrong with that. People always try to give her a bad rap...I hate when people do that.
HIM: Whatever, she had them trippin'
I went on to win that argument, I used myself as an example...that's another blog. At any rate, I am convineced that I won that argument...the gull of some people huh.
Whatever, I'm still cool with me. That was the first person to ever say anything like that to me...I mean sure, people have called me weird, whatever. But to act a colour, I thought we were past that. All this time I thought the way people talked and acted and their accent was due to the region of the city, state, and world they brought up in...you know products of our environment. Guess some folks didn't get that memo.
Peace People, Take Care of Urself

The Vagina Blogalouges: Look At My Breast...

Maybe some of you can relate to this...what I am about to blog was a personal thought that I decided to share because maybe someone needs to relate to this as well. In all actuality, all blogs are personal thoughts...some are just more than others. Here goes:
I work out 6 times a week, sit-up & crunches, push-ups, leg-lifts, squats, sometimes I lift weights, and all the time I run. I will 26 years old December 3rd...I need to make sure now more than ever that I stay in shape because by design, this is when my body will start to slowly break down. Yesterday morning, I got off work...went to my living quarter, took a shower, and went back to my room to get dressed. There is a huge mirror in front of my bed...most of the time I don't pay any attention to it, for some reason today I did. I sat on the side of my bed and watch my body as I lotioned from foot to head (directing the energy upward). I love what I saw, I can really see a change in my body since I've started doing different routines with my work-out. I'm healthier, my skin is different, thick & strong, I can see other things starting to take shape. I got up to my breast and I just looked at them. I hutched my back and stood up straight, watched them fall and rise again. "Look at my breast", I thought to myself. "The breast of a woman, they are full and real and soft and brown...yeah they sag a little but thats life, everything can't be perfect. I hugged them (because I can), lifted them up and let them flop again. "Look at my breast, ha, they can feed a nation, raise a village, make my man (if I had one) feel good. Look at my breast, they're not perfect but I love em'."
Some people (women) might opt for surgery, they want to get breast lifts and augments...how do men feel about that I wonder. When men look at us, although we may not be please with what we see...do they view us the same way? Or do they truly love and appreciate the female body regardless of sags, dips, rolls, slopes, and any other "flaw" that may have been created by life's gravity?
Regardless, I find the female body unique and interesting, no two are the same. Each one has a story, each body part is custom fitted and hand crafted for us so, take care of it.
Peace People
Vee

Understanding I Understand

Question: Do you know how it feels to truly understand, to truly relate to something you read?
If not, take it from me...it is such a grand and marvelous feeling. Since I was a little girl, then a young woman, I have always enjoyed reading. Can't say that I loved it...to be honest but, I enjoyed it. When I was younger living in Chicago, my father used to tell me, "Veronica...always remember to read, read, read, know your history, the truth lays between those pages. You have to read, read, read." Back then I thought he was crazy, regardless of what he said, I enjoyed reading. I enjoyed reading so much that I wrote a childrens book in the 6th grade entitled "The Big Worm that Ate the Cat." True Story. In hind sight, whatever I put my mind to...I always manange to do it. I thank God for such awesome drive.
As many of you know, I am away right now. I am using this time for reflection, amongst other things. The first book that I have cracked open is entitled "Opening to Spirit" by Caroline Shola Arewa. Such a good read, I recommend it to anyone In Search Of. As I am reading this book, it's crazy how much of it I already relate to...I can't really explain it. I suppose in the company of my friends, we talk about some of the exact some things she speaks of in this book. Almost like, this book choose me in stead of the other way around. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that by the time I finish reading this book I will have more understanding of the knowledge I was seeking in the beginning. I was reaching out instead of reaching in.
I am looking forward to digesting this book. Speaking of books, I want to tear a page from my fathers book and encourage everyone to read more. Turn of the television and turn a page in a book. Read something fulfilling, something that you can share with children in the neighborhood, one of the "Did You Know" type of books. Read something that by the time you finish you will feel as if you have moved closer to the head of the class. Reading for entertainment it cool but read something heavy, fall asleep and wake up reading. Gosh it feels good.
"Read, read, read"...said my father, Mervyn Gilmore Hinds.

One Thousand and One Pieces of the Puzzle

Remember puzzles? I used to love putting them together, you have a ton of pieces or perhaps 8 or 10 big pieces. You'd have to look at the angles, shapes, pictures and figure out which one goes where. I always found it easier to put all the edges together then work on the inside. Next then you know, the big picture begins to come into focus...slowly but surely. Finally, you are complete! You take a step back and take a look at the work you've accomplished but wait, on the corner of the table, in the middle of the floor, in the bottom of the box...there is one piece left. It's not an edge because there are no corners, you look at the puzzle to make sure that you haven't left a spot open...everything is filled up. Where on God's green earth did this piece come from? Piece number 11, 51, 101, 1001...an extra piece of the puzzle that doesn't fit anywhere. What the eff? "Ah well", you think to yourself, "...the puzzle is finished". You toss the odd ball puzzle piece in the trash and carry on with life. It was just an extra puzzle piece.
Well, apply that to life...what about those people that are like those puzzle pieces? What happens to them in society? Do people just toss them aside and move on with life because they are odd or stick out or don't particularly share the same views as a certain group of people? Well, here how it feels.
I have been away from my (2nd) home for 17 days, although it seems much longer...its really only been 17 days...2 wks and some change. I find myself writing and calling folks back home, thinking that life is so grand and so marvelous and that everything is going on without me there. Truth of the matter is, everything is pretty much the same. Granted, if someone is missing its very obvious but for the most part, everything remains the same.
The thought that "everything grand is happening" , for me mostly comes from being the extra piece of the puzzle. The place that I am in is restricted, not only physically but mentally to a certain extent. I suppose I feel it the most because I don't like to be boxed in. I walk around with my headphones on mostly jamming to the new India.Arie or Gaelle and I go away, in my mind. It feels as if I am suppose to be here physically but my spirit, my mind is on another plane...I am somewhere that I can't quite put a finger on. The more I drift, the more I feel out of place here. I am brought back by conversation...someone interrupts my groove with touch and go conversations.
I don't have a problem being that extra piece...I am used to marching to the beat of my own drum. People tend to doubt me on a regular basis, I Thank God for the armor that I've been blessed with. I just wonder why people don't get it...I wonder why it never ceases to amaze me when people do things rude, selfish, or insensitive. It never fails...everytime someone says something to me that is far left field or just down right shocking, I find myself calling a friend or writing about it. I suppose I expect from other people what I expect for myself...to be those extras pieces or at least attempt to understand people that are instead of judging.

Adult Film Entertainment...Muthaf*&%%$#@! U Smokin'!

Let me first say, "It's not about money for me". I know that I gotta live and I believe that with a passion so pure and strong that nominal satisfaction comes with the dream.
I walked back to my living quarters after I ate day before yesterday and sat outside at the picnic table while listening to India Arie. A guy named, lets call him "Guy", who I'd seen over the past 3 days...we'd speak in passing, got off the bus, saw me sitting there and decided to invite himself over. True I spoke to him but that is not an invitation to come hold a conversation, especially if you see that I have on my headphones, nodding my head to my music and barely paying attention to you when you sit down. At any rate, he starts to talk about his music, and business, etc. He knows that I am filmmaker because of a previous "bus stop" conversation we'd had the day before. The conversation is very slow and staggering, you'd think he would have taken a hint but, no...he wants to sit and ask me what I think about the state of hip-hop, r&b, film. He asks for my advice on the path he should take in life then turns around and decides that he just wants to "Do It All", blah, blah, blah...
That goes on for about 40 minutes, then dead silence...I think to myself "Yes, he is about to say 'Well, I'll see you around'". I start to turn my music up and he looks at me with a sideways grin..."You know what I think you should do, just start you own Adult Entertainment Film Company". I had to take my headphones off at this point,
"What?!?!!!" (insert screwed face)
"I think you should start you own adult entertainment film company, you know...porn, he repeats. "Make you some money and then you'll be good to go. You just need to make that money to get in the door."
I reply, "You know what, I think it's time for me to go."
I begin to get up from the table...he laughs and swears that he was just playing. My argument is...that was a well thoughtout comment, I would never recommend that anyone produce porn to "get in the door", that can come back years from now and ruin their career and furthermore, in my book...I just don't get down with ish like that.
I explained to him that it is not about money and with a killer team, we can get in the door without having to "sell pron" just to make a little dough. I thought that was a very stupid thing to say. I know that sex sells but why, everytime I say "I am a filmmaker", the first thing that comes to mind is "Porn".
Perhaps, I am on another plain...maybe I'm a freaking alien or something cause I just don't get it. That really bothered me...not for me, but for him. One of his dreams, goals, aspirations in life was to be an emcee, he stated that when he saw that it was bringing in the dough, he had to find another avenue, so he decided to produce, once again no dough so he decided to write a book. I read some of the material...the intimate (sexual) portion is decent but it lacks development of the characters. He says, "That part is coming".
Here's the deal, in my eyes, a passion isn't a passion if you give up so easily. The minute your dream or aspiration doesn't bring you finacial satisfaction you want to ditch it and find something new...if that's the case, it was never an aspiration to begin with. Film is an expensive habit, if it was about the money...well, I would have given up years ago. But it's not...its a thriving passion inside of me that I am very grateful for...its truly a gift and I thank God for every hardship and success. The more I tried to explain that, the more he said you still gotta eat. True but the financial aspect was not at the for front of my mind. I just really like to see my dreams and the dreams of others materialize, if financial comfort is a result of that, then so be it.
Guy really ruffled my feathers...funny part about it is, I haven't seen him since.
"Give without expecting to receive. The reward will be much greater."

Fascinated with Nature

Sunny, Thursday afternoon, Cumulus Clouds...
A Tree Grows in Brooklyn and it rained in the desert. For all of 20 minutes, it rained today. I never thought I'd see a day when it would rain...in the desert. It was all quite interesting. I am sitting down eating my lunch, debating on whether to have dessert. I walk over to the cookie/ ice cream stand and get a double chocolate chocolate cookie. Stopped at the cake rack to look at the delicious cheesecakes and make my way back to the table. Sat down for maybe 5 to 10 minutes and then it happens, it sounds like a large AC unit starting up but the AC is already on...full blast mind you. Then the sound get louder and louder, heavier and heavier, it's raining. Everyone in the cafeteria looks puzzled, amused that it is raining in the middle of the day, in the dust (desert). It was absolutely amazing.
I was in such shock that myself and a fellow co-worker went outside and sat in the company van while it rained...half the sky was desert sand tan and the other side was blue. God is so amazing.
Just wanted to share. It's Day 11 of my journey...gosh it seems like forever.
Peace

The Vagina Blogalouges: Intimidation Nation

Perhaps I am reading it wrong although I seriously doubt it. My spirit is pretty wide open, I receive different vibes from people, at times...I can pretty much understand someones personality. Not to judge them but to understand them.
Here's the skinny: I am in a foreign place, very, very different customs from what I am used. In my mind, I am going to be here for a few months...why not try to understand something about their customs, beliefs, etc. The other night I am in the city with a few people that I somewhat work with, we decided to grab a bite to eat. We sit down at the table, our waitor comes over and takes our drink order...I am a naturally inquisitive person, I like to be familiar with my surroundings, so I ask the waitor, "What is your name?" "My name is Marco" he replies with a smile as he shakes my hand. "Hi Marco, my name is Veronica", I reply with an Italian accent, "Where are you from?", I ask. "Italy", he replies. "Cool, well nice to meet you Marco", then I introduce the other three people sitting at the table and they greet him as well. After the introduction, Marco excuses himself from the table to get our drinks, appetizers, and orders. It was then that the claws came out.
As forementioned, I could have been reading this wrong but it felt as if I were being attacked by ill vibes. 2 of the 3 people at my table appeared to be very rude to me for some reason. I voice my opinion on how much I love differnt cultures and how beautiful the women and men are, their skin, their complexion, just culture...God's creation. One person said something along the lines of "You just love to talk don't you?", in a very derrogatory manner. Moments later, the other person said "So Miss open minded how do you feel about swingers clubs?" I didn't know what to say, I was just being my self and for that I get attacked.
For a split second I sat back in my seat and decided that I wouldn't say not another single word all night, then I thought about it..."I'm flyy. Why the eff am I going to let them get to me?" So I sat upright in my chair and said "Look, I'm a people person, that's just the way I am so deal with it, alright." Although I was dead serious, I softened the edges by continuing on with conversation, I addressed my views on swingers clubs and why I DON'T get down with that. Pretty much I was being myself for the rest of the evening & night.
It seems that when some people feel intimidated they lash out by trying to break down the person they feel threated by. Why is that? Why can't everyone just accept people for who they are instead of trying to break down their confidence to put their self on top. I failed to mention in the beginning that it was 3 females (including myself, the new girl) and one male. Maybe that had a little bit to do with the tongue lashing. At any rate, nevermore will I feel like I need to mask my personality. I am me. I am not a competetor...well, not for any man anyway. It was just very interesting observing the night.
I realize that I just don't fit in some places. To date, I haven't found anyone that I can relate to over here and I doubt that I will, I am hopeful but I seriously doubt that someone will come along that I click with.
Signing off for now folks,
Peace

The Vagina Blogalouges

Okay...let's just say this has to do with LIFE
For the Ladies, we've all been there before. You know, the "I want my p**** back" stage in our life. We look at what we've done and who we've done it with...then we begin to think about the things or people that other person has done. Or we think about the warnings, the many, many warnings that we've received from our TRUE female friends. They warn us the "Yeild to the Flesh", don't pass go, do not collect $200. And what do we do...we abuse our body, our spirit and soul, and our vagina and give in to temptation. Our kind and giving hearts overflow our logic and we give in, thinking that we can convience the male species to change his ways and stick to one good woman instead of fromping around with many chicken heads.
Not that we believe we can use sex as a form of converting, more so the time...that's what it all boils down to, time and conversation. And just when we think we're making a break through, the male species in the end...is the same way we met them. Fact of the matter is, "A Man will NOT change unless he wants or is ready to."
This blog was conceived while I was speaking with a female friend. Ladies we sometime have a tendency to lower our standards in order to lift up someone male or female (depends on your preference). In hind sight, vision is 20/20. It is then that you realize that the person in which you wanted to lift up was not nor did they have intentions on, lifting their self up. In fact, they are totally comfortable lying to their self, making plans to change but never really getting around to it, wallowing in self pity, and watching time past them by as they continue in their everyday routine. Meanwhile, we...lose a certain level of respect for our self. Blame, blame, blame our self for being so foolish, question our actions, and search for redemption. Why do we do this? Because we are women...compassionate, thoughtful, giving, giving, and more giving. Some of us more than others.
Today, I apologized to myself and my vagina. We have been through some rough times together, nevertheless, she holds me down. I can always count on her to be there when I need her, even when she didn't feel like hanging out with me...she was a trooper and I am grateful for that. Another thing I decided to do today was to be more selfish. Not steingy (I think that's how you spell it) but selfish. As forementioned "we sometime have a tendency to lower our standards in order to lift up", I don't do that very often but I have in the past on more than one occasion. From this day forward, no more! I am moving forward and as harsh as it may sound...I cannot be a "care giver" anymore. The energy that one puts into constantly lifting someone up that does not have the intention nor drive to help their self...argh, it can be very exhausting. With that being said...Later for that part of my life.
I am however very grateful for every experience and lesson learned.
This is my pledge:
No more, "I want my p**** back" stages in life!
No more, lending my vagina out for temporary pleasure!
No more, bending over to help those that won't help their self!
More love for self!
More of Me!
Peace
Idle Vee

Epedimic

http://streamos.warnermusic.com/wmedia/wmiuk/gnarlsbarkley/GnarlsBarkley_SmileyFaces_NewVersion_Hi.asx

Just click on it...Don't ask questions...Spread the word!

59 Days & Counting

Greetings Fellow Blog Readers:
For those of you who see or talk to me on a regular basis, you've allready heard the news. However, I still want to take this opportunity to share my thoughts and feelings with everyone about what I've been tasked to do.
On August 27, 2006, I will no longer be in the state of Virginia...at that point in my life I will be embarking on a 7 month journey to *Place Cannot Be Disclosed Over Unsecure Circuit*. I received this news on Wednesday, June 21, 2006. Intially I was taking it very hard...crying, asking why...after a while reasoning with myself and very few others, My outlook turned from negative to positive. As with any situation you have to make the best of ANY situation...good or bad. If it's a bad situation, make it good, if it's a good situation, make it better. Plain and simple.
I am somewhat saddened that I have to leave all the projects that I have lined up but when I return that just means I'll have a lot more love and passion to put behind everything that I had to put on hold for these few months.
I ask that everyone keep me in their prayers...these few months will fly by, I have no doubt in my mind that it'll be like the blink of an eye.
**Keep your ears to the ground for the going away party** :o>

Just another day...

Aaahhh Unity Feast...Mmm, Mmm Good!

This past weekend was very interesting, delicious, and very fulfilling. Sunday was Unity Feast at Manny's house, it was pretty cool. We ate some lovely pasta dishes, played UNO and Spades, and hung out with the family. A pretty chill Sunday all together.

Saturday...I returned from Richmond, tightened up one of my client's locs and went home. It was so lovely outside and I really didn't feel like sitting in the house but I didn't hear of anyhting going on in Hampton Roads so, home is where I stayed. I took time to really reflect and put a few things in order. I've noticed lately that at times we, people, find ourselves looking for things to do, trying to stay busy all the time. However, sometime we really need to be still and let everything going on around us. I am not saying be complacent and loose all drive you have...what I ams aying is "Self Time" is very important and we should appreciate any chance we have for our self. Trust me, you will miss it.
Later on Saturday night, I had a long overdue conversation with a supa cool dude. That conversation took me back to my high school days. We literally talked on the phone for 4 hours. The thing that was so genuine about it is that the topic of being intimate, dating, sex...none of the typical "male/ female" conversation topics never surfaced. We spoke on quite a few topics but none of the fore mentioned were brought up and I thoguht that was pretty cool. Perhaps I have just been out of the male/ female, dating/ friendship circa for a few years but it seems that with the new way of living in the 2K is casual partners and the chances of finding quality conversation is few and far in between. It was very fulfilling to have easy convo.

Friday was yet another interesting day. I went to Richmond to attend Soul Power Friday Malcolm X Born Day Celebration. I won't speak too much about the details of what took place, I'll just say...I am secure with my spiritual preference right now and the one thing I don't like is when people try to shove their beliefs down my throat. This one female in particular obviously hoaned some major insecurities about herself, due to the fact that I have a some what passive personality I suppose she found this as an opportunity to flex her muscles and mold my mind. So I let her dig her own grave. Why do people feel the need to show off in front of folks? Overall Friday was cool with the exception of that one female.

Since When Does Hip-Hop Hump Speakers???!!!

Ah...the weekend. And what a lovely weekend it was.

For starters, I was off work for one solid week. It felt so good not having to wake up to the annoying sound of my alarm clock, piece myself together, and drag my body to work...only to sit at my desk for 2 hours and literally search for something that I am motivated to do. A small vacation was very necessary.

So Friday...
Dan Tres graduation party was going to be this past Friday, 5.5.06...everybody was ampted. However, due to certain circumstances...the party has been pushed back and it will be going down this December. We still decided to go over tot he crib. I linked up with a friend from high that I hadn't seen in years...he still looks delicious. :o> So we hung out most of the night...it started to drizzle a little bit and a few folks, including myself, rolled on home.

Saturday...
Ashwa Kwesi, my first time seeing this elder speak. Sankofa 2006 was off the freaking chain. African Dance, Capoeira, excellent food for thought...what more can you ask for. MAP did there thing, I am so glad that they didn't let a little financial trouble prevent them from going forth with this event. Excellent, marvelous show.

Sunday...
Chillax mode. I was really trying to be good on Sunday. I started Mrs. Robin's (Cerrone's mother) locs, then head over to Danny' for the Unity Feast. I called before to went over to Danny's to make sure that they didn't need anything...by the time I got there, no food (which is a good thing, it's unity feast). However, a sistah was starving for some good vegetarian cooking. Que Sara Sara I suppose.

Good Ol' Monday
I woke up at 8 am, called Tara (my sistah friend) and did a time check with her...of course she laughed as we exchanged many phone calls throughout the day.--Fast Forward--
Myself and a few other folks had early access to the concert...we're in line all ampted talking about hip-hop, hip-hop, and more hip-hop. **Really quick...I ran into this female before the show who said she was a fan on CoMMoN. I asked her, "When did you develop your love for hip-hop?" She couldn't answer...I asked her "When did you first notice CoMMoN?" Her reply:

Her: Um...I believe it was 1988
Me: 1988 really...what was the name of his first album?
Her: Um...I really don't remember but, I love him...he is...
Me: Can I borrow a dollar?
Her: I only have a 5 dollar bill...sorry

*Silence, think about it*

A true head would know what time it is.

So the night went on...my home girls and I were standing in the front row (as usual). The unfortunate event of the night was Shuger passing out. Trish, A.K., and Godchild helped her over to the side of the venue. Thank goodness she was okay.
I was severely disappointed by CoMMoN's performance, he pumped the speaker yall. Yes, he pumped the speaker. I don't mean he lost his balance and almost fell off stage...no...I mean he deliberately got down and pretended to pump the speaker as if it were a female. Naturally, the ladies went wild but not I...I am not a groupie, I love hip-hop. He's nice looking but...c'mon. Perhaps I am bias at this point because of the deep appreciation & respect I have for the culture. I don't understand...or maybe I don't want to. I dunno. The Roots rocked the sold out show...CoMMoN disappointed me....it was bananas.

After the Show it's the After Party...
Derek 32zero! My dude for real, the brotha is something so serious. First of all first, I've always wanted to be a b-girl too...so I made an attempt to challenge Danny and Rasheed, don't know how I did but I am hurting today. So we danced for a minute then it was time for the show to start. Derek 32zero and Jon Bibbs ripped Kelly's a new a**hole. I love seeing those two perform, it was so beautiful.

The rest of the night was history...the party was over at 1:45 and everyone rolled on home. It was a supa dope weekend.

My Saturday A Poem...A Hip-Hop Song

Woke up this morning...planning, plotting, somewhat worrying.

I have a lot of things I need to do and not a lot of time to do it. I have failed myslef but at least I recognize it and I am not putting them on anyone else. I could have followed the syllabus and passed, instead, I procrastinated and fell behind...it's my fault, I take the blame.

Jumped out of bed after going over that in my head...and cleaned up my house, staring with the living room, moved to the dining room, then to the kitchen, and last my bedroom. Cleaning up helps me put things in order...may soound funny but and orderly house symbolizes and unoderly life. I am spontaneous but I need order when it comes to matters of the home, career goals, and thoughts (depending on the particular thought). My house was clean, I felt as though I could breathe a bit easier...ligther. It was 12 noon. Sankofa starts at 1pm, gotta get ready to go.

Jumped in the shower...and got dressed, took my sewing machine to Wal-Mart for some basic instructions, then I was off to Sankofa. I drove through the city listening to Fela...don't know the exact name of the some but it sounds like "Water Have No Enemy". The song I am speaking of was sampled on Common's album "Like Water for Chocolate" as his father spoke over the track.

Try that sometime, grab and old school soulful cd, some Afro-Beat, your favorite song...ride through the city, through the hood...and notice how the groove of the neighborhood flows with the music. It can be a very beautiful experience even in the grimmiest of neighborhoods. Today was beautfiul...sunny, warm, kind, and inviting and I loved every minute of it.

I had the pleasure of seeing Ashwa Kwesi speak. I am really without words, in a good way. As I sat in the lecture, there were some many thoughts running through my mind about history, what this "American" nation is built upon, Afrika...so many thoughts...the babies, our next generation, the ancestors, our past generations...there is so much of everything everywhere. So much to learn, so much to unlearn...where does one begin. I thoroughly enjoyed myself at Sankofa today and I look forward to the next Sankofa.

Afterwards, we went to MP Island Carribean Cafe for some grub and down time. Today felt like a dream...felt like a "back in the day" day. I really don't know how else to explain today...it was beautiful and it felt so good...as poetic as a poem and as good as a Hip-Hop song with all the Jazz and Soulfulness one could take.

Freedom Class
Sankofa was full of so many goodies; Afrikan Dance, Capoeria, Jewels...lots of jewels. I ran into a brotha I hadn't seen in a few months, Manny. He's a cool, down to earth brotha. We briefly caught up on the past few months, in doing that he mentioned my blog. Basically he said I should update more...I'm cool with that because I always have a lot on my mind but rarely blog it. So I'll try to stay on my toes from now on.

As Brother Latif and Mr. Kwesi spoke today...I thought about the children, the youth. There were some babies running around the center today and I loved how free they were. When I was in elementary school, we had recess...from what I've heard about school these days, recess is a thing of the past. I brougth that up to pose this question. What would a freedom class be like? Picture this:

From grades K-12th, for 45 minutes to 1 hour out of the school day, every classroom of children will have "Freedom Class". In Freddom Class, there is no particular subject to study...only what the children or youth want to do. I know some maybe thinking, "Isn't that a bit unstructured"? Not really. Although the fore name of the class is Freedom, the purpose is intended to open the minds of the youth. Brother Latif said that he'd give the children their would, tell them they have 25 minutes to finish it and they can sit anywhere in the class to do it. I thought that was fresh for real. What if school devoted an entire period to free range of thought for the youth...they'd come in class, put their book bags by the door, grab a piece of paper and each day, the teacher would tell them to write down one thing that is on their mind.
For example, one day they'd come in class and the reacher would say, "Write down what the first thing that comes to your mind", another day, "Write down how you feel about math, another day, "Write down your goal(s) in life", after they've finished, they'd have an open discussion about it. Sometimes the class would be inside, if it's warm the class can go sit on the grass outside, and so on and so forth.

I mean...I know that it seems like somewhat of a scattered idea but think about how Freedom Class can boost the morale of the youth. Sometimes children just need someone to talk to instead of always having to sit in a structered setting...that's apart of the balance right?
Just a thought...

Catching Up...

I took a look at the last time I blogged, didn't realize it was March 3rd...been a while huh? Things have been really busy around here...film, school, work, events...I love it all regardless of stress, it's what I love to do. Well, I suppose a quick update would be helpful at this point...let's recap:

Womanifestation (3.26.06)
In case you didn't know, March was Women's History Month, although I celebrate 365 days a year, one month is set aside to observe women and their efforts and accomplishments. I've lived in Hampton Roads since May 2004 and I've heard so many great things that used to take place, i.e. Word of Mouth, Urban Safari, a couple of radio shows, etc. One of those things happen to be Womanifestion. Basically, Womanifestation is a showcase with a complete female line-up...oh the dopeness. Now, perhaps I just didn't look hard enough but...in Hampton roads, the only Women's History Month events I saw taking place were on college campuses or events that were "membership" driven, for example, the YWCA Awards luncheon...I don't remember the exact charge but it was roughly $50-$75 for the luncheon or upwards of those prices. I didn't really see anything locally that dealt directly with the community. I've heard people speak of Womanifestation as a thing of the past, they talk about how dope it was and the emcees, the singers, the poets, etc. I said to myself, why does it have to be a thing of the past...let's bring it back, the rest is history.
March 26, 2006 @ Mt. Gilead Missionary Baptist Church Family Life Center, Womanifestation took place. Overall, the event was pretty dope...we ran into a few road bumps but that is expected with any event. Phatz (of Jhunippuz Elite) and myself hosted the show and from what I hear, everyone had a ball. Oh the love. The lesson learned from this event: Never on a Sunday, always on a fun day. It seems that when people find out the event is going to on a Sunday, that kind of turns them away because they think about getting ready for work the next day, putting the kids to bed and getting them ready for school, etc., a lot factors in when dealing with Sundays, unless Monday is a non-working day. Nevertheless, the show was a success.

Back 2 Basics Hip-Hop Showcase 3.30.06
Yeah, it was approximately 4 days after Womanifestion. Didn't plan on it happening that way but here's what happened. There was another event schedule for that day...1 half of the U.G.L.Y. People (Sas, located in Texas) was scheduled to fly up for the event. Due to circumstances beyond my control, we had to cancel that event...the other half of the U.G.L.Y. People (Derek 32zero) called and asked me to put something together because his partner had already planned on flying up here, etc. So there you have it, call a couple of local groups & some b-boys, find a venue, hurry up some flyers, promote, promote, promote and you have show. Hamza the 7th Sun was another main artery that brought this event to life. It was supa dope...even though it was on a Thursday, people still came out to support. Argh these weekday events.
The line up was sweet, Jhunippuz Elite, Soul Students, Hamza the 7th Sun, Derek 32zero, the b-boys were in the house, Zulu Nation was in the house...it was a lovely event. Oh yeah, can't forget to mention Danny's wife, Ytunde...she makes the banginest (yes, that's a word) cookies. We were all fiending for more by the end of the night. [Sigh] Sometimes I wish I could build a hip-hop city.

April Showers brings May Flowers
April...spring time, should be a lovely time right? I guess I really can't complain, I just need to get my emotions in order...that would be like drying out the Atlantic with an 8 oz. cup. Overall, April was cool...had an event on the 14th and shot a video on the weekend of the 22nd...came out beautiful. I love what I do and I thank for every opportunity that is passed my way. I don't want to dig too far into April because I feel a rambling session coming on so I'll "Wrap It Up B".

And now the feature presentation...
May has just begun and my plate is full...full of personal things though. I'm moving, wrapping up with this college semester, want to go to summer school but can't afford to...I wouldn't consider these problems because I know that there are people in the world that are trouble with far more bigger situations than mine. However, these are the issues that I am dealing with that I feel I can't do anything about. Can't disregard them because they exists, can't down play them because they need to be handled...where does that leave me? Right back at square one, got s*** to do and don't know how it's gonna get done. Looking at the present state of the world, it seems like people you wouldn't even suspect to be in tight binds are in the same shoes as everyone else. Gas is $100 a gallon, the rent in VA goes up every year...from my stand point, those are the two major big deals. I have never been in a place where the rent goes up every year...why is that? I heard, "Well, VA is a commonwealth so they can pretty much do whatever they want." When does it stop? If the rent continues to go up at the rate it's going right now, people are going to be paying $900 for a $700 apartment, does it keep going up or will it go back to the original price? Craziness I tell ya. I dig VA...the Hampton Roads area but I don't think I can deal with the influx in prices. I'm pretty sure that it is done in different areas in different ways...it seems like as soon as you get a raise, the jack up the rent so you don't see the difference in pay...but you surely feel it. I don't want nor do I plan on spending all of my little extra dough on bills. One can never get ahead doing that. Perhaps that's what "they" want...for people to constantly focus on not getting ahead, fallbacks and what-not. [sigh]
I can't worry all the time though because I honestly have a lot to be thankful for. My dream has become a reality and this is only the beginning...that I am very thankful for. Although there have been set backs and upsets, I'll take that as a lesson learned and keep it moving.

I'm really tryna stay on top of blogging, since I probably won't be in school this summer...I'll have more time to blog.


**The picture at the top was borrowed courtesy of Okayplayer.com
I found it to be a pretty dope shot and wanted to share. Check out www.okayplayer.com for all the latest for delicious fresh new music. Peace**

Good lovin', body rockin' , knockin' mics all night long. Hip-Hop & Common make me so happy. This is a throw back photo from the Common show in Myrtle Beach, N.C. I had to post it cause I show madd luv to this brotha. I patiently await the day that Common returns to Norfolk, VA., unfortunately I missed the Spit Kickers tour a few years back however, Richmond 2005 was the jump-off. :o> Ah, Common...

**NOTE: I have a deep appreciation for all genres of music, however, at the age of 12 (1992), I was introduced to Common on the Southside of Chicago and I've been hooked ever since.

Peace

17 Days Later...

I know it's been a while...I try to Blog as often as I possibly can.

At any rate, catching up...On the drive to work this morning, I decided to listen to the radio...don't know why, I just did. It was okay but I'd much rather have a listening favorite of mine to soothe me in the A.M. So, a commercial comes on, the opening dialogue went something along the lines of "Ladies, do you want bigger, fuller, firmer breast without surgery and ugly scarring?" I thought to myself, "Wow...that is interesting. Forget trying to improve your I.Q. or own your very own business, clear up your debt, or anything else that is really worth talking about...yes forget that. Breast, larger, firmer breast is what you really want and need."
The commercial went on to say how this "magical creme" can give you the breast you've always wanted without surgery. I believe that last line was "Now you can turn heads with the body you've always wanted." Really, what are these people thinking? Just a quick update, in my other Blog, I wrote about the new craze that's going around "Designer Vaginas". Women are actually getting surgery to regain there virginity. How crazy is that? Many women say they opt for this surgery due to complications after child birth or during sex.

Quick question: Maybe it's just me...perhaps I am a little out of the know about womens health but I have never heard of such a thing. I know that the vagina is muscle, it stretches after child birth and what not but, is it really bad enough to have surgery behind? And to what extent is the pain that these females feel that is so gut renching that they absolutely must have surgery? One female said that the surgery saved her marriage (that's another thing I'll speak on in a later Blog).

Crazy this world is I thought to myself. Back to the commercial, so the point that I am trying to make is that, it really disturbs me to hear things like that. Why not put a commercial about going to college on in the place of things of that nature. Think about it, some female who might have been slightly insecure about her appearance heard that commercial this morning and was breaking her neck to write that number down just so she can reap the "benefits" of having a larger chest. Maybe I'm making too much of that situation...stuff like that just bothers me at times.

How safe is that creme anyway?

On a lighter note, today is Dan Tres Born Day and he has requested that I make my scrumptous Barbeque Tofu...mmmm, tasty. And tomorrow I am shooting Part II of Romonta Allen's video (he's my friend too). Looking forward to that...gosh I can't wait to start shooting my feature films. :o> Oh Joy!

Peace

Mi Famillia! (I think I spelled that correct)

So...I went on vacation January 29 thru February 4, 2006.

While I was at home, my cousin called and made mention of holding a family reunion in May of this year. Immediately I knew that I would not be able to make due to such short notice. Furthermore because most of my family is still recovering from Hurricane Katrina. In my book, family reunions take time, communication, and careful planning...that was the first time I'd heard anything about it so I knew that it was a neg for me.
However, that situation rekindled an urge that has been resting deep inside my soul for the longest time...coordinating a family reunion. I like to think that I am a well-put together human being, I might be a little to the left but for the most part, I am an organizer. 4 years ago I wanted to plan a family reunion, however with my job interfering, I knew it would be barerly impossible due to the fact that I was always moving. In May 2004, I finally settled in Norfolk, VA...for the next 3 years, my plan would be to go to school, save money, and build a solid network. To add to that now, I will be planning my family reunion for 2007 with the help of a few other family members.

It's no secret, my family is somewhat distant. I have spoken to a few family members on the regular since the hurricane but the rest of them are still floating around in other states. For those of you that know me...you probably don't have to look too close to notice that although I am friendly, loud, crazy whatever...sometimes, I can be a come & go person. Growing up I had my mother and two brothers, occasionally my cousins & aunts would come in the picture and dip out but that was it. To date, my soul is really heavy with uniting my family. I spoke to quite a few family members last night, some of which I've never spoke with...funny they all know who I am. I found out quite a few interesting facts about my family, I'll disclose those at a later date. At any rate, I've quickly come to see that I play the neutral role in the family. Everyone I spoke with has a "Ms. Jenkins" story about another family member, it was funny to me though because this is my family, we love each other even though at times we can't stand each other. I am really looking forward to having everyone together, placing all the differences aside, and just being happy to see each other.

One of my cousins is a comedian, she's hella funny, I saw her for the first and last time (of my knowledge) about 9 years ago and when we talked it feels like we never skipped a beat. My other cousin, well her and I are like peas in a pot. She's always been the closest to me...we always have great convo. I spoke with 5 or 6 other family members and I have a long way to go but I am ready for it. I think that's an element of my life that might be missing, I want to understand my family so I can understand more about myself.

Speaking of which, I talked to my aunt last night who now lives in Washington...she's been doing research on the family for quite some years, her efforts had to take the back burner due to unforeseen reasons. At any rate, we found out that my grandfather (one my mother's side) is from England...how dope. Also, most of my family is comprised of women...all very talented and powerful, that explains ME. :o> I love these new findings, family is so important to me...~sigh~ I am happy.

Peace

More Random Topics & Chatter

Good Day...

I am officially off vacation and back in the swing of things. In the beginning it was kind of depressing, then I thought about it...I have things that must be done, can't sit around and be complacent, must be active and involved.

Vacation was cool...
I chilled with mom dukes, my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew. My nephew is really a hand full, he's cool...It's just right now he's at the "Terrible 2 year-old" stage. It felt good not doing anything all day however, I felt so detached from my passion. One of the reasons for that was because I could not use my cell phone, a few months ago, my best friend accidentally sat my cell phone in some water. After it dried it started working regularly, now months later, it doesn't want to charge up...so I had to purchase a TracFone, which kind of sucks because the minutes go so quickly. Thank goodness I am due for an upgrade in 4 weeks, I am going to purchase a brand new phone for a fraction of the price. :o)

Back to Work...
I was actually dreading coming back to work. My supervisor called me while I was on vacation to ask me something about work...how inconsiderate. The last thing I want to think about while on vacation is work, so while he was on the phone, I asked him if I cold extend my vacation for one day...his reply "Well, we can't just extend you for a day". Here is my reasoning, if I have days on the books, why not? It is what it is though, I came back to work on Monday and dove head first in the catching up the week that I was off.
So, here it is Tuesday and I am back on track...back to everything, back to school, back to chasing dreams, back to making moves, back to everything.

The heart to dream...
Dreaming~ it can be very dangerous or very positive. Either way you look at, there is a 50/50 chance that you'll achieve it. Now within that 50/50 chance, there are a number of possibilities that you will achieve a portion of it or not.
Last night Brother Phatz and I went to the Park Place Community meeting...Mr. George recommended I go because I wanted to throw a block party this August. The meeting went rather well, I spoke with the president of the community league and things thus far seem to be on the upside.
I think about events and films that I want to do all the time, literally. The funny part about that is, my dreams are always expanding...they become more elaborate each time I put serious thought into it. I find myself drifting off, jotting down idea, on top of idea, on top of idea...
It is at this moment when dreaming can become a good or a bad thing~
On the positive note: Dreaming drives me to make my vision a reality...in my mind and out my mouth I say "I will accomplish this, I will be successful!" I share my thoughts, dreams, aspirations with people, positive people that give me positive feed back.
On the negative note: Dreaming can create road blocks, if one is not strong willed and positive...one can begin to think that their dream is impossible. When one shares their dream with others that are not positive, their dreams can be torn down by the negativity.

With that being said, I guess the only solution would be to surround yourself with positive, like-minded people and be mindful on who you share your dreams with cause everyone does not have your best interest in mind.

In a Hero you will find...
Dan Tres posted a block the other day, I believe the primary premise was about Celebrating Black History Month and pretty much "Walking the Walk", living what we speak. One of the comments from his Blog made stated we need to find more heroes, I do not intend to discredit that person in anyway...I could intepreted it the wrong way. I replied by saying "WE should become the hero instead of looking to OTHERS to be the hero".

In saying that, what I mean is...searching for a hero is like searching for a leader. We have certain expectations for people that are in a leadership position...if we know what we want in a leader or in a hero, why can't we become the hero? I remember having a discussion a few years back with a brother about "Who will be the next Martin, the next Malcolm? Who will lead the next sit-in, the next boycott? Who will lead the next March on Washington, the next Black Panther Party?" After hours of talking about history and past leaders, the change that has taken place, that state and condition of society today...by the end of the discuss I feel he'd made a very good point. He said, "Too often do we invest time into other people to do a job that we can do ourselves. People depend on leaders, why do WE have to wait for someone to lead us...why can't we make a stance?" I agree with him however, I also feel that everyone has a role to play, that's just the law of the universe...someone is going to be the leader, someone is going to be the organizer, someone is going to be on the front line, and so on and so forth.

On a smaller scale however, WE can all be heroes and it starts with Danny's first tips of getting involved, "Mentoring". These days, kids need a positive individual to look up to, that individual has to have time for that child, they must be committed, and active in that child's life. In doing those things, hopefully that child will develop the trust in the adult, in turn, their relationship will blossom and that will inspire the child to want to do more in life and hopefully pass along the jewels that have been instilled in them when they were growing up. It's vital that kids have positive influences throughout the adolescent period, that can determine which path they will take in the future.

With that being said...
I will see you all on Friday, O' the goodness of Unity Fest 06'.

Peace

Hip-Hop U The Love of My Life...

Recap...
Although I am on vacation, it has really been on my mind about the 1st "Official" Hip-Hop Showcase.

Shiney Nickel Productions Mission:
To provide quality film and events to likeminded individuals.
**That's the primary mission.**

I still cannot make since of what happened that night, I do know for a fact, NOTHING HAPPENED TO THE SPOOK IN THE THREE PIECE SUIT. Pretty bogus isn't it? Here's what happened as told to me from a very reliable individual:
The fire marshalls came in and couldn' find anything wrong, only a slew of multi-colored hip-hop heads having a good time. Yes, to them...that is wrong. Okay, so they entered two more times...this time they went upstairs, BUMPED into the brother in the three piece suit, and noticed he was carrying heat. They handcuffed him and took him outside because he was not carrying his concelled weapons permit. They sat him on the curve, him or one of his friends show the officers the permit and they released him. That was it...nothing happened to him. At that point, a group of people, (who shall remain nameless) were staning outside discussing how they were going to shut down my event. It was at that point when Ned approached me to tell me that he had to shut down the show.
Yes, I was devasted...I know that I had no control over what happened, I just think that it was pretty foul to shut down a perfectly healthy event because of the actionsof one person. One person that had nothing to do with the ongoing event, nor was he posing a threat.
To me...it smells like a fish market. It's cool though, I am looking forward to many more beautiful, successful events. I am very thankful for the wonderful group of individuals that are working with me...it's lovely.

Part III...Finally!

Okay...I figured I could wrap these weekly updates in 3 parts, so here is the finale and todays incomplete scoop.

January 17-21, 2006

So I went to work on the 17th and just my luck I had a full day...duty and all. With everyhting else going on in my life, I forgot that I had to appear in court for a speeding ticket I received in November on my way back to VA from Jersey...yeah I was going 78mph in a 65mph zone. By now, it's about 11am, I have duty (that means that I have to stay at work) so I won't get off until midnight. Quick thinking, I decide to head home for lunch to grab my ticket and find out if I'll be spending time in jail, I have tendency to over react at times. I called the court clerk, she told me all I had to do was pay $141.00 before Feb. 1st or my license will be revoked. Cool...but damn, $141.00, I have to buy school books, at the same time I need a license to go to school...no negotiation needed, pay the $141.00 and start driving the speed limit.
Finally the next day arrives, I completely forgot that I had to register for another class because my History class was cancelled this semester due to lack of enrollment...I decided to take one of my required Social Sciences, Psychology. Unfortunately, the last due to enroll/drop a class was the day I had duty. Thank goodness TCC is so understanding, I couldn't have taken another door slam in the face. So I explained my situation to the desk clerk and everyhing seemed as though it's d fine. Little did I know it would take a week and some change to finally get into my Psychology class.
Fast forward to the weekend, in the atempt to get my taxes done and out of the way, I run into another snag. I was unable to do my refund due to the IRS not have all of the e-files downloaded, that was officially my "one thing after another week". To add insult to injury, I caught a flat tire on January 19th, hurt my pockets for $205.00. So yea, I was feeling kind of hurt last week.

January 23-26
"Breath of fresh air", I thought to myself with on 5 days remaining before the hip~hop showcase. Everything this week has been flowing fairly well.

Monday ~Happy Born Day Plex. (Non*A*Mes)

Tuesday ~ Late stay and class, I finally made it to my psychology class. It was pretty cool, just kind cooled out and got to know that folks in my group a little more.

Wednesday ~ The Dynamite Dave Soul flew in from from Atlanta Georgia, he's so fresh, I've known him for 9 years, long time. We went to Relative Theory Records, a supa flyy Veggie Spot on Colley St. (Thanx Danny), then we went home for me to change and agreed to go to a comedy show before we hit Fuzzy Wednesdays. Midnight, the comedy show is over and we're off to catch the last hour of fuzzy's. After fuzz's we headed up to IHOP, had some good eats, then it was to the crib to catch up on some zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz's

And Now...Today
I am so tired, as soon as I get off, I am going to crash for a power nap then I'm off again. O, the joy of a fun filled days.

**Please excuse the grammatical errors, I was extremely tired while I was writing this insert.**

Until next time...
Peace

Part II

Okay...Here's a weekly play by play:
January 11-13 ~Average week, I got my teeth cleaned...No cavities but I need to floss more.

January 14th ~ I went to a Demostration for a vending machine company. Basically a person would buy a few vending machines, strategically place them at a business with 75-100 employees, and keep them stocked up...you may the profit off the machines. Sounds pretty dope right? I thought about but, maybe later in life...right now my financial status just is not fit for extra expenditures. I mean sure, in a few months, I probably could clear up over half the bills I have but, I really can not afford that business venture...not right now.
After the demonstration I went by a friend of mine to crab a CD for the road, cooled out for 30-45 minutes then I was off to Newport News. Had to stop by yet another friend of mine, Wakili, she was having a Sister Circle at her house and it was a ton of fun, good food, great sisters, awesome dialogue. Finally, I got on the road to head up to Richmond, VA.
I met up with a really good friend and supa flyy brotha, Brother Manisfest. We were going to Baltimore to part-take in the goodness of the Baltimore Natural Hair Care Expo. So once I got up to Richmond, I linked up with Brother Manifest, Brother Larry, and Lisa (another group of fresh sistas and brothas, I luv em') We hit up a veggie Japanese restaurant, dropped Brother Larry at the crib and we were on the road to Baltimore. Many a great conversations were exchanged on the 2 1/2 hours road trip to Maryland.
Once we get to the room and get check in, what happens next...the same thing that happens on every road trip, somebody is gonna forget something. We had to make a midnight run to Wally World (Wal-Mart). O, the midnight Wally World stories, I love my people, you never know what you are going to see. Back to the story...we hit the door running with only 15 minutes to spare before they close. I make a fast break for the lotion isle and I believe Brother Manifest had to get some soap or something, at any rate, we finally make it to the line and with one person ahead of us, we knew that we'd be out in no time. Tu shea, (I think that's right)...check this out:
As I said before, I love my people but sometimes, I wonder "Where is the logic in some of the things we do?" There was a female standing in line, her total was $141.57, she only had $130.00. All she had to do was put back a few of the miscellaneous items she had and she would have broke even...it wasn't that easy for this sister. She had to make a choice, which turned into a 20 minute choice, between some plastic flowers and toilet paper. The part that tripped me out was that she was really having a hard time deciding upon whether or not to put the toilet back so she can decorate her house, crazy right. Finally, she told her friend to go to the car and get $20 from the person that drove them there...I could not believe that she need those flowers that bad. My philosophy, if I can't afford it and it's not important, then I don't need it. Really I don't. We made it out of Wally World, back into the cold, and to the room to rest for a fun filled day of networking.

Sunday, January 15, 2006
I HAD A BLAST! It was so much fun, I love networking, promoting, make moves...it feels really good, especially if it's for a worthy cause. We set up the HND 2006 table, gave away all the free t-shirts we had, and got plenty of donations from folks...it was absolutely beautiful. Big Up to Malaika Cooper for putting a wonderful Expo together, I will be there next year. I had some good eats, good networking, saw an awesome Afrikan Dance performance, and bought to soupa dope earrings. I am still high off that weekend.
On the way back to Richmond, God was really with us. Manifest and I were talking about future business plans, great, great conversation. I am driving a good 80mph in the far left lane when out of nowhere, a giant muffler with the pipe/axle still attached appears in the middle of my lane, it was too late for me to switch lanes or slow down. In a split second everything got quiet, I barely had enough breath to say "O My God!", I squeezed my eyes really tight and...nothing. Nothing happened, we rolled right over the muffler without touching it. We must have sat there in shock for a solid 2 minutes...then we began to reflect on what'd just happened. There was no way in the world that I could have been that perfectly squared in the road to miss that muffler exactly as I'd done. I just knew that something was going to get caught up under my truck and send us off into the woods somewhere but...nothing, it was like it wasn't even in the road. I had to double check with Manifest to make sure that he saw it too, he did, he was just as much in shock as I was. A true blessing, that situation could have been fatal.
Okay, so we make it back to Richmond, grabbed a quick bite to each. Bid each other "See you laters" and I was on my way back to Norfolk, "Thank goodness I'm off tomorrow because I had a long weekend", I thought to myself. I had a blast.

Stay tuned for Part III...almost finished. :o>

Part I

So much to say...where shall I begin?

Well, January 9, 2006, I went back to school. I love going to college...this may sound silly but everytime I think about going to school, or when I read a really big word AND I know the meaning of it, or when people ask me, "What are you doing this evening?" and my reply is "Oh, I've got school", that makes me feel really good. I find myself saying, "I am so glad I never dropped out of high school". I don't think I ever thought about dropping out, but I think about the people that did. Sure, some people have their reasons for not continuing their education and that works for them...what works for me is school or learning in some shape, form, or fashion. Even for those who don't attend college, I really feel as though high school or some form of lower level education is vital for ones survival in this society.
Some people may go the high school, graduate and get a job in the feild of their choice and be very successful. Some folks need further education, like college or vocational/ trade school. I just don't see how someone can make it these days without some form of complete structured education. Further more, I don't understand how someone can be comfortable with dropping out of high school and not wanting anything more for oneself. I guess it'd be different if they dropped out and went on in life to make their own keep, started a business, or did something in life that beats the odds of a high school drop-out. But just to not finish school and not do anything above a low-satisfactory in life...I just cannot understand why someone would be comfortable with that.
Granted, schools...correction, teachers are different today. From my experience in the past few months, teachers just don't seem to have to passion nor the drive that teachers had when I was growing up. Part of the blame I suppose can go on the students and it wouldn't be a stretch to say that part of the way the students act falls on the parents. The way some kids act in schools today makes it barely impossible to teach a class or to take in the information that is being given in a class. Now with that being said, I am also aware that most of the text books are outdated but after a conversation with a friend of mine the other day he made mention that a good teacher barely uses the text book. Of course, they'd have to follow the curriculum but that's as far as it goes, a good teached would go that extra mile to keep the students abreast and properly informed about history and current issues. Okay, this paragraph is going into a whole nother subject.
To give credit where credit is due, kids these days have their vices however, the seem to be a tad bit ahead of where I was at their age. Technology plays a big role in that, yet and still, perhaps it was just the part of the world I grew up in but, high school...although I was teased...ALOT...was a pretty decent experience for me. I never thought about dropping out, I just do not see how I could have made it this far if I would have. I read an article a few years back about minorities going to high school/ colleges and getting good jobs. Basically the article pointed out how some many minority families would say to their kids "Go to school and get a good job", something of that nature. One of the readers wrote to the columnist and expressed their opinion about the article, they said:

"Just because you go to college doesn't mean that you are going to get a good job. Many of my friends and some of my family has degrees in various fields and they are still not working in the field of thier degree. They have subpar jobs with subpar pay, they went to school...they've sent in numerous resumes, went on countless interviews yet, they still get offered scraps. To make a long story short, just because you go to school doesn't gaurantee that you'll get a good job. You have to be the right color first!"

I thought about that article and to some degree, I find it to be true...I still don't think people should give up. I've had a pretty rewarding life thus far, I am thankful and I look forward to many more rewards. I've also had quite a few road blocks and failures that hurt like h*** but that didn't stop me. As I said earlier, I know that people have their reasons in life for dropping out of school...when hardships come about, it can be very trying to juggle real life and school. Some folks have to take care of their family, as a matter of fact, I went to school with a guy named James...he was 22 years old in the 12th grade. Yes, I know..."22 years old in the 12th grade?!", I thought the exact same thing when I was going to school but as I said earlier, situations come about when you have to take care of hardships. The point that I am trying to make with that gentleman is that he came back to school, so what if he was suppose to be a senior in college, he wanted to get his diploma, he wanted to achieve some degree of feeling accomplished.
In May 1998, he walked across the stage, the funny part about that was his last name begin with an "A" and he was the last one to walk across the stage. The entire auditorium stood up for him and cheered as if the New Orleans Saints had just won the super bowl...can you imagine how good that felt for him? It was a wonderful feeling for me and I just knew him though friends of mine. My question...why do people stop? Why do they give up at the first sight of trouble? How can anyone be comfortable with a non-degree status, especially if they are not doing anything with their life? To add to that last question, how can anyone be comfortable with having an education and sitting around...why would someone make it to the top with endless opportunities and the ability to make moves and shake things up, only to do nothing? I just don't get it...

I want it so bad...! I know this may not be the best camera but, to do what I want to do, this camera can do the job. I have been fantasizing over this camera for the past month and a half, finally I may be able to afford it. Of course before I purchase I am going to look for something better that's cheaper but I think this is a pretty good catch.
My weekend was pretty simple, I did some foot work Friday afternoon, worked Saturday morning and chilled Saturday night, and got organized today...I like having things in order, that frees up mind space for more important projects. It's a really good feeling. And to top off the weekend, I am going to Voodo Rouge to partake in some good poetry, life is good.
To say this is only the beginning of the New Year, things have been very busy and I cannot complain, I really dig it. About 3 years ago, I'd say to myself, "I can't see me past 2007." Part of the reason is because who was in "my office", the other reason was because I guess I felt that I wasn't being productive enough. I knew that I'd be a successful filmmaker, it's just after 2005...the dream would kind of linger...I really could not get past what would happen next. I know it's not for me to decide however, I do believe have an affect on the way things will turn out based on the descisions we make: Left or Right, spend or save, go or don't go, speak or don't speak, etc.
I am looking forward to the future...come to think of it, that's the only way we can look. :o> I know...I'm a corn ball. At any rate, I am off again to enjoy the goodness of having a peaceful weekend. By the way, if you're feeling generous, that camera can be found at Best Buy. :oD

I am NOT a Lesbian!

Not that I have anything against lesbians, I am just not one of them. Let me explain:
In my last blog, I mentioned that one of my hair appointments had just shown up...cool. We ran to the hair store to get some scalp cleanser, went to Tropical Smoothie, I got a Peaches~n~Silk with Soy Protein, then we came back to my crib so I could do his hair...I was tightening up his locs. So we are holding casual conversation about music, he's a producer. We started talking about how everybody is doing a lot and it's only the beginning of the year...hella flyy right. So I tell him what another business associate of mine said to me today. Let call my other business associate "Tommy".
Tommy and I were on the phone and somehow we got on the topic of relationships and the entertainment business...to make a long story short, I mentioned something about being single and not being worried about dating or anything of that nature and then he said, "Well, I wasn't really sure what your sexuality was"...something to that affect. Of course I had to question it...to make a long story short, he thought I was a lesbian, never did I think that I came off as a lesbian. So, the producer, let's call him "Bobby". Bobby said to me, "Well, I could see why he'd say that", I asked him why. "B'cuz you look like you ain't trippin' over no man...you look like you don't really care. For example, today we went to the store and to the smoothie place and you wore sweats, if I didn't know you...I'd probably think you were a dike." I could not believe what he'd just said to me but...I asked the question.
First of all, if I am getting ready to do someones hair, am I supposed to be all dolled up, if I am just running to the store, am I supposed to look like I belong in a Nelly video, I mean really give me a break. Is every woman in sweats a lesbian...bullshit. Seems like society places too much value on appearance, since when did going to the store become an event where to have to dress up? I questioned him about his statement and his reply was "I am not saying change. What I am saying is that you look too comfortable, if you don't like the way people perceive you, then change, if you are cool with the way you are, don't worry about it. Just know that from my perception, if I didn't know you, I'd think you were a carpet muncher." Okay, the last part he was being jovial but really...not too sound conceded but I know that I am a beautiful person, I love the wonderful job the Creator has done with me.
True, at times I think to myslef, "O, I could stand to loose this and tighten this up" but all of that is in due time. I just can't believe that people in the world actually think that just by the way someone dresses can give you an insight as to who they are all the time. I know...I know, when applying for a job, if I went in there in sweats I'd prolly get tunred around at the door but I'm talking about Walley World here or the beauty supply store, no place of importance.
Arrrggg...this crazy world.

I Won the Lottery!

Okay maybe I didn't really win the lottery...but I feel like it. My day started off pretty smooth...I had a lot on my to do list...glad to say I got 90% percent of my task done.
In case you didn't know, I am doing a Hip-Hop Showcase on January 28, 2006...well today I found out that I am going to have a lot more help promotion that I thought I'd have. To add to that, I have the pleasure of having 4...yes four film project set up for the first half of this year. From February to April, I will shoot 3 music videos and 1 short film, "Can't Stop...Won't Stop, yes I love it. As a matter of fact, the picture you see to you immediate left was taken by one of the people I am doing a music video for..."You've seen him in Hampton Roads, heard him in the shower, and his cousin is Pootie Tang. Ladies and Gentleman, Jon Bibbs." (Just kidding Jon, I Love You) Jon Bibbs will be shooting his second video this April/ May. Norfolk is jumping right now, from what I hear this happen in spirts but I have a feeling that this is gonna last a long time. Up first on my list of videos is yet another VA native, Romonta Allen. It's gonna be dope gals and guys...gosh, I can't wait. Just wanted to spread the joy. Well, I am off...one of my hair appointments just showed up.

"Find yourself in Heaven and God, find yourself in heaven and God. "
Ghetto heaven~Common f/ D'Angelo

In case yall didn't know it, I appreciate that man so much. He is one of the few true voices of hip-hop, he's down for the community...he's an all around great person. I've had the opportunity of meeting him before (and I look forward to many more encounters). I met him May 24, 2005 in Richmond, VA at Plan 9, I wrote a poem for him summing up his whole career including the new album. He actually took time out to read it right there in front of me, my head could have exploded right that...that one action says a lot about his character and the way he views and appreciates his fans. Yea...I love em'. :o>
I was on OKP today, I am a er'day, "What's on OKP" head, when I saw the lovely picture you see above. I decided to go to the artist page to visit Common. On one of the boards, this female who happened to be German with an African boyfriend wrote a comment about Com's views on interacial relationships. Her statement went something like this:

" i really love commons music and his lyrics, as far as i´m able to understand it, ´cause i´m german. but to hear that he´s mad about men who´re together with white women hurts me, because my boyfriend is from simbabwe and i love him so much.
i guess common should have express himself in a more differentiative (hope this is the right term)way in this case, because it sounds very intolerant to me.
and i appreciate him so much because of emphasizing love and social critisism in his songs.
i think you got a special situation in the us. and there are lots of issues to discuss about the relationship between african- and european-descendants all around the world..."

My question is this...would it matter if Common didn't approve of Asians and Africans or African Americans, or Hispanics and Africans or African Americans or Indians and Africans or African Americans? Would it matter if it were any other race beside European? On a personal level, I feel that love is love with the person you find it with regardless of their color, however, if you single out one race...especially your own...saying that you can't be with someone in your own race because they are "too ghetto" or "too proper" whatever, then that...makes you wrong. I wondered about that female, what bothers her? What makes her ticked off? Is she really cool with everyone dating everyone or is it just because it affects "her race"?
Often times it seems that people don't really pay attention to a situation unless it directly affects them. Guess that's where my heart enters the picture because I am concerned about a number of things that don't involve me, yet and still, I try to find a solution. For example, single fathers that aren't eligible for government support, I'd like to create a service that equates to the services single mothers receive. I am not a man, nor am I a single father but, I cannot stand by and watch good fathers get jerked by the system. **There are many other things I'd like to change but it's late and my brain isn't very focused right now.**
At any rate, I guess what I am trying to say is it seems like people only mostly care when something concerns them. They don't look at the broader spectrum which in turn makes them bias and that's not fair. I believe, and I could be wrong but, I believe what Common meant to say is what I touched on earlier about singling out your own race to be with another...that is just plain wrong.
I'm out for now, gotta work in the morn but I had to get this off my mind.
Peace

"When you think of trash...think of Hakeem". However, when you think of Hip-Hop, true school, it never fails to return to the trustee mixtape.

**I really must thank the continued support I receive from the brothas and sistahs around me. Big up to Brother Manifest up in Richmond for hooking up this dope ass flyer you see posted above and to Self Ra for yet another flyy creation posted below.**

We are some talented individuals and we don't recognize, embrace, and appreciate that stuff now...take it from me, it will slowly slip away.
Today was back to the regular work routine for me, pretty cool and laid back day. Although I might not see it right now...it definitely feels like I have a lot on my plate and I am not complaining one bit. I am very thankful for the constant ideas that are flowing through me each moment of the day. ~Testimony~ This past weekend alone, as a matter of fact, these past few weeks, I've been blessed with so many great ideas. I have a tendency to be a bit, just slightly, scattered at times so I know that I need to focus and take it one project at a time.
People may say, "Vee you are crazy, the littlest thing excites you." I don't believe it's that...I am just amazed at the way this life thing works. I mean there are billions, trillions, zillions of folks out there with tons on top of tons on top of tons of ideas, everyone wants to make it "To the top" or at least half way. It just never ceases to amaze me how many ideas people can come up with. And the will of people, the drive...that is a whole nother bag of beans. Have you ever sat down to watch one of those "How did you make it?" shows...you see the person that is successful pretty much trying to explain how they made it to where they are. It's seems like they might have some kind of stashed away cash or someone helped them somewhere along the way...at times it's hard to believe that they couldn't pay they're rent or that they were homeless living out of their car...Literally. I've come to realize that...it's true. Everyone falls on hard times but that drive and that will never to be in the position again is what seperates people. Some folks are content with that but the others, that want more go for more...that in itself is a beautiful thing to watch happen.
I love my life and what's happening in it right now. Good or bad, I'm sure there is a lesson in it. So much goodness...ah. :o> Well kiddies...gotta go, class is in session.
Peace